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Kitsune1st
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total posts: 7
Blog title: Meet Sherel
Blog description:

My picture looks intriguing, but for those who wanna know more about me and you don't wanna talk to me for whatever reason, you can meet me here. :)

My blog address: http://MillionaireMatch.com/blog/Kitsune1st
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Being Poor... 314 Views 07/23/13

Personally, I never really considered myself to be poor, or my family. My grandparents had a very big farm, and on it we had every produce I can think of that grows in Jamaica. And we had livestock too: chickens, goats, pigs, cows. We could live entirely off our farm and not have to buy much of anything.

But I also had some pretty daft uncles, and some aunts who wanted nothing to do with the country, having grown up there and finding it significantly lacking. So some left, including my father, and others stayed, saying they would take care of the farm but allowed to the enter a state of utter and complete disrepair.

But my Daddy says we're poor. My mother left when I was a year old, not that she could have contributed much because she was a lazy whore (and pardon me for saying so) if ever there was one. My dad never had much schooling so he pretty much just did what he could.

I never thought of us as poor because regardless of what it was, we always had food to eat, I was never kept out of school, I never went naked, I had books to read. But I realise as I grew older that we just barely had all those things, and it was good that I was so understanding of this all and didn't want things all the while, for I wouldn't have been able to get them aside from turning to prostitution.

Unlike a lot of the stupid foreign kids in the movies, I never did and never would blame my father for not having any money to do anything fun, because he couldn't have done any better for us short of illegal activity. He was fair, understanding but strict where necessary, and he loves me more than anything in the world.

Now that I am older, however, it is hard not to realise that I need or want things, and that I am unable to afford them. It is frustrating to want to do a thing that brings you pleasure or could aid in your studies but knowing you cannot have it, and at times can find no helpful substitute.

It's hard being poor. They say it teaches you character, but it really only teaches you how hard it is being poor, and that you just really wanna have money, if even just to know that it's there when you need it. It does, however, allow you to learn to live without many things, but you can think of this as being deprived, or as being resourceful.

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There's a place for everyone in the world 264 Views 07/20/13

At one point in my life I felt like I didn't belong anywhere, still feel that way. I feel as if I am alone in the universe and there is no one who can relate to me. I mean, I don't mean to sound like an asshole or anything, but whenever I'm talking to someone about something personal about myself like an experience I had or my thought pattern, a lot of them are quick to shoot off "I know how you feel" and follow that with the most stupid thing I could imagine someone who understood saying.

 

I don't understand why people always feel like they must tell these stupid lies! If you don't understand, it's perfectly okay to say so, I can't take you to court for it. Although maybe if I was American I'd try lol (Jamaican humour).

 

All I really want from a person, is honesty. If you are honest with me then I know where we stand, but if you lie, I'll constantly be expecting something from you, in accordance with your lie, like a particular behaviour or reaction. And I really wish people would stop expecting me to lie to them.

 

I'm not the sort that lies to people, about anything. I'd more likely say to you that I'm not gonna answer your question than lie to you, be it a white, pink, green, or orange lie. A lie is a lie and I hate lies and liars.

 

People say they wanna hear the truth.... but they don't. So I end up talking to these guys, usually older, more educated, and I am always forthcoming with the fact that I am brutally honest (obviously to a fault) and they are always saying how great that is, and they value honesty. But when I am honest with them in a way that matters, they shrivel up like a snail when you throw salt on it. They get their puney little feelings hurt, take offense, and never speak to me again.

 

It's funny, but it's sad. I'll never find a mate in this condition, and I wont become something I hate just to have a mate. And not just a mate, but proper friends. Which leads me to conclude that there is not, indeed, a place in the world for everyone. I AM, however, too young to be concluding such a thing, so I'll hold of for another decade or so- if I live that long. And then I'll start adopting all kinds of animals and simulate their natural habitats in my yard. 

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I Missed Out on a Lot... 132 Views 07/15/13

I've recently realised that I missed out on a lot of things growing up because of my father. I don't mean that he deliberately kept me from doing things though, to be clear. See, I'm an only child who was raised by my father. I wouldn't exactly say that we're porr, because poor people sometimes can't find anything to eat but, we were... maybe lower middle class, or slightly below that.

 

I was never one of those kids that didn't know what was going on. I knew how to behave, I was always very intelligent and I knew that Daddy couldn't afford a lot of the things that all the other kids would always brag about. As I result, I usually kept to myself whenever I heard them bragging about going here and there, getting this and that new thing... Because my Daddy couldn't afford any of those things and I didn't want to burden him by asking him for things I KNEW he couldn't afford.

 

Because of THAT, I've learnt to go without many things, and because I'm so accustomed to it, I still don't really think about what I want or getting things. Where will they come from? Who will buy them for me? Always my Daddy was all I had, so if he couldn't give me something, I didn't expect it from anywhere. Being a university student, we can afford even less now.

 

I'm not too bothered by any of this, because I'm far easier to be pleased than many others. But I feel so sheltered and as if I am lacking in so much. How do I make it all up now?

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July 7, 2013 87 Views 07/07/13

I'm aware this is not a diary, but I couldn't think of what to title this post so I simply went with the date.

It is Sunday and 1618hrs. I am sitting at the computer table and listening to the various conversations around me- two separate ones. One is to my front and the other to my bad, but I feel separate and apart from them. All are my family but I feel alone and completely withdrawn from them. I do not know how that happened, but... they know what they want and I do not.

I do not know what I want and so I cannot go and get it, but the others do and so they go. I sit here contemplating on what it is that I want.

But if I really needed to know, I would, wouldn't I?

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