Hi, I recently rejoined the site again. Am planning on paying the subscribtion and all. Last year when I joined for the first time, I had the choice to e-mail like the first 100 man closest to me if I wanted to. Does anyone know if you can still do that?
Hi Hi long time no chatting with you fine people. I'm feeling just a little excited about the upcomming holidays. I haven't done nothing for 8 months does anybody have a job available in Rio Rico, Az? But anywho, thank the Lord and Baby Jesus that all is pretty well I miss blogging just thought I'd come on and say hi and babble on for no reason. Have a sexy, sweet, wonderful, pleasant, georgeous afternoon.
One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper. The little girl said, "Daddy, you're the boss, aren't you?" Her Daddy smiled, pleased, and said yes. The little girl continued "That's because Mummy put you in charge, right?"
"Daddy, Daddy, can I have another glass of water please?"
"But I've given you 10 glasses of water already!"
"Yes, but the bedroom is still on fire!"
What did the father ghost say to the naughty baby ghost?
Spook when you're spooken to!
Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks?
In case they get a hole in one!
What do you call two people who embarrass you in front of your friends?
Mum and Dad!
My Dad thinks he wears the trousers in our house, but it's always Mum who tells him which pair to put on!
Do fathers always snore?
No - only when they are asleep!
Canoe help me with my homework please Dad - I'm stuck!
Dad will never say
Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say
10. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.
9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?
8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that.
7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.
6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.
4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.
2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.
1. Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.
A Father's day prayer,
Thank you for the love dad has given me. Thank you for dad's good sense of humor. Thank you for dad's sweet efforts to succeed in a relationship with me. Thank you for dad's trust and belief in me. God, please help me make dad proud and happy with the life he has given me.
Q. Why do we paint Easter eggs?
A. Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!
Q. What do you call a rabbit that tells good jokes?
A. A funny bunny!
Q. Why did the Easter egg hide?
A. Because he was a little chicken
Q. How did the Easter Bunny rate his favorite restaurant?
A. He said it was eggs-cellent!
Q. How does the Easter Bunny travel?
A. By hare plane!
Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Q. What did one colored Easter egg say to the other?
A. Heard any good yolks lately?
Q. What kind of beans grow in the Easter Bunny?s garden?
A. Jelly beans!
Q. How does the Easter bunny stay in shape?
A. Lots of eggs-ercise!
Q. What kind of jewelry does Easter Bunny wear?
A. 14 carrot gold
Q. Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs?
A. From an egg plant
Q. How does the Easter Bunny keep his fur neat?
A. With a hare brush!
Q. What do you call an Easter egg from outer space?
A. An "Egg-stra terrestial".
Q. Why does Peter Cottontail hop down the bunny trail?
A. Because he is too young to drive!
Q. How does Easter end?
A. With the letter R!
I hope everyone celebrates Easter having great fun including, Easter Bingo, Easter Memory, Easter Egg Hunt, Pin the Tail on the Bunny, Easter Egg Decorating. Just the whole Easter chabang extravaganza a la King.
1. What fish is the most valuable?
2. Why is it so easy to weigh fish?
-Because they have their own scales.
3. Who is Frankenstein's favorite pisces fish sign?
Come on guys! Outburstaramas time...
-Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.
-Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!
-First Guy (proudly): ?My wife?s an angel!?
Second Guy: ?You?re lucky, mine?s still alive.?
-Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand
-Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the
Woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the
Third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
What did the stamp say to the envelope?
-Stick with me and we?ll go places
What is a ram?s favorite song?
-I only have Eyes for Ewe, Dear
What travels around the world but stays in on one corner?
What does an envelope say when you lick it?
-Nothing, it shuts up
What happens when you fall in love with a French chef?
-You get buttered up
Free one can of pork and beans with purchase of three bedroom, two bath home.
American flag, 60 stars. Pole included $100.
Amana washer, $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
Free puppies. Part German Shepherd, part dog.
Whirlpool built-in oven?frost-free.
Full-sized mattress. 20-year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell.
Wanted: Used paint.
Tickle Me Elmo. New in box. Hardly tickled, $700.
1988 Toyota Hunchback, $2,000.
Wanted, somebody to go back in time with. This is not a joke. You'll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre.
I'll skip #1 and fill in 2-5
Still need 6-22 come on guys!
I woke up this 2_morning___ and my 3_nose___ blushed at the thought of you. You are not only 4__sexy_____, but very 5_entertaining_____. Every time I 6__see____________you my 7____eyes_________s become 8____titilated______ and my 9__knees____________s begin to 10____shake__________. I can't wait till 11__we dance 2_____night. I have a 12__sexy________ surprise for you. It is 13__bought at facsinations_______________, 14___comes in plastic wrapping______________, and 15___rattle______________s alot. I hope you will 16____use_____________it. I will be wearing the 17___sexy______________ 18___gown______________you gave me last 19___phone call________. I know how much you love to 20___talk with _______ me in it. Hugs and Kisses Your Favorite 21___Gal______________, 22__and pal____
In England, in the 1880's, "Pants" was considered a dirty word!
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin!
The blesbok, a South African antelope, is almost the same color as grapejuice!
The average person laughs 13 times a day!
Dogs can hear sounds that you cant!
Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than women!
It is estimated that millions of trees in the world are accidentally planted by squirrels who bury nuts and then forget where they hid them!
Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
I'm out of oestrogen and I have a gun.
I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
Of course I don't look busy ... I did it right the first time.
Do not start with me. You will not win.
All stressed out and no one to choke.
I can be one of those bad things that happens to bad people.
How can I miss you if you won't go away ?
Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.