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Gracelle
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Blog title: Dancing In the Wind
Blog description:

Life is a piece of dance. You need to find the right partner to make it beautiful.

True love is the second life, a splendid journey, a stunning experience. Please follow your inside voice, the longing for love and attachment to family, to taste the sweetness of life with me, to share this pure and peaceful joy.

My blog address: http://MillionaireMatch.com/blog/Gracelle
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For Chris M. 214 Views 08/14/14
The feeling is awful to unintentionally hurt the one u love. I'm racked with guilt that I was spoiled and once doubted what Chris said. How can I make up for his hurtful feeling?
 
Hopefully lovers can learn a lesson from my story, as trust is the nature of love. Trust him and believe he never intends to hurt u. Even if under certain circumstance he has to hide something from u, he has right reasons.
Here is my 12 Aug letter to him:
 
Chris, darling,

Are u ok? 
Please don't be too sad for your dear mother. Everyone is the child of God, it's her calling to back to heaven. She is happy and peaceful there.

I know u miss her, but actually she never left, she lives in your heart, to accompany u for ever. I had the same feeling when I lost my dear grandma. I was brought up by grandparents (age1-6) , who loved me so much and gave me a perfect childhood. From them I learnt to love and cherish the feeling of being loved. As a teenager, the loss of her was a disaster for me. I felt lonely and sad, but finally I survived it, as I knew she's always with me in my heart, the warmth of life.

Under this circumstance it's bad timing for us to meet-up. However, I take this as the test from God. I think we both stood the test. U spared time to come and arranged luxurious hotel for my stay; I understood u properly, though a bit misunderstanding at first. It's natural for me to doubt the news, as I had no sex for 8 years due to the hurt from the first relationship(since then I didn't trust men). Now I'm healed by God, I trust u and believe u never intended to hurt me. Actually after this incident, I have deeper feelings for u. So, it's the right choice I made to visit u. 

That day u called to do nothing but mourning, so I didn't expect intimacy,didn't wear perfume, didn't make up nor dress up. When u came, smiling and slightly wet from the rain, I hugged u to show my concerns and condolences. We had intimacy. It came naturally. God understands it, as both of us need comfort and love in a hard time.

For the 1st time in life I had such a perfect intimacy. Everything was wonderful, no luster, just pure joy and sweet deep connection. It's the feeling of love. The kiss in the end carried me away to heaven. Thank u, darling, for giving me this sheer happiness. I'll remember it until the end of my life. U are my 1st guy to truly have.
 
Let's see where God will lead us to.
 
kiss u
Grace
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Misunderstanding 289 Views 06/23/14

Being misunderstood is hurtful. That's why I felt so bad. Now cool-headed, I'm relieved from what happened.

 
I needn't have to apologize or say " Sorry" for the delay of administrational process dealing with HuKou. I applied it on the 6th May, supposed to be handled immediately, however, until 13th May its process started. During this period, I called to enquire but no reply. I was anxious , so friends suggested me to have a trip of Dubai first, whose visa doesn't have HuKou requirement. I went to Dubai, then was informed that HuKou issue got settled. I was happy and planned to visit him soon.
 
If I say "I'm sorry", it's in a courtesy sense, for keeping him waiting for meet-up. I didn't mean to take long to date him, especially after the 8-year-long gap of romance. I cherished his first hello and regarded him as my nice guy, my Prince Charm(at that time). So I decided to put down all my pride to explain to him. He refused, as he is with someone now. I must say it was embarrassing, even kind of humiliating.
 
Nevertheless, I had to do this because that's me, my style, namely, try my best to pursue valuable meanings of life, e.g. true love; have the courage of facing unexpected situations even risk of uncertainty for the sake of achieving goals. Money or Family, if I have to choose one, I go for family.
 
 
Friends might nicely put this as "a passionate lady". For me, it's self-awareness: I'm living for love, a romantic fool.
 
Tomorrow everything will be fine.

 

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Love is Simple 113 Views 06/22/14
Once again I read my profile, my definition of dreamy relationship. That's all I want as a woman.
 
Such decorations of life as successful career, social fame, etc. serve the purpose of making you feel happy to some extent. However, it tends to distract you from savoring true happiness, namely, the peaceful mind to enjoy being a human with sentiment to care and love, to share your life journey with the beloved, to experience the sweet intimate relationship.
 
Life should be simple by nature. Love is simple.
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He 182 Views 06/19/14

For the first time in my life I was refused by a man.

I was supposed to meet him in June. Then due to the delay of my HuKou process (Chinese administrational system), I decided to make a trip to Dubai first. During my trip in Dubai, I was informed my HuKou issue finally was settled. However, I also got his email he wouldn't like to meet me, as I took so long to visit him.

 

I feel frustrated. Now I realize I care about him more than I know. I got his first hello in December 2013. During the one-month trip of Dubai, I lost the chance to meet him.

 

Life is a piece of dance, it should be beautiful and meaningful. Most of all, it(life) should be happy, to be with someone who makes you happy.

 

Maybe I just move on to meet another guy, a nice guy. Or, someday jump on the plane to visit him to say "I'm sorry". 

I don't know which would be the ending.

 

 

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Lover or Scammer? 428 Views 04/21/14
Today I'm back to the dating site.
I can't always be waiting for the late response of someone as he sounds pretty busy and we haven't meet in person yet.
 
My parents think he is a scammer. I don't want to jump to conclusion at the moment as he hasn't ask for 1 cent from me. If he did, I wouldn't give him as it's quite suspicious to discuss money at this phase of online dating( not meeting in person yet). Furthermore, as the CEO of a construction company(he claims), he doesn't need my financial assistance under any circumstances. It's just against logic.
 
By the way, I doubt the way professional scammers make a living. It's not profitable as other careers.
 
So, I'm wondering why he wasted his time to contact me? He won't get money from me. I'm not that kind of women who are willing to " buy" lover. I'm searching for true love and a happy marriage of 30 years. My small money is supposed to leave for my future kid( education, etc). I shall be a nice wife and loving mother, and I can support myself.
 
Honestly, I did enjoy reading those love letters in the past 2 months. I haven't got that feeling for 8 years, haha. It's healing, considering my first hurtful relationship. I might say thanks to him for this.
 
Anyway, I decide to move on now, even if he isn't a scammer but definitely not a good lover, haha.
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Life 102 Views 02/18/14
Life sucks. Life is gorgeous.
We're in Heaven, and Hell as well.
With our beloved, it's Heaven.
Otherwise, it's damn Hell.
 
To joy in Heaven, 
We need to find the one.
The one brings light and warmth,
The angel without wings.

 

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Am I Mistress? 172 Views 02/14/14
Here's the truth many once asked for:
In May 2004, a famous professor was invited to an academic meeting in our law school. As a young lecturer(also doing my Ph.D), I posed a question and he highly praised me. It was impressive to the audience.
 
In July, the Prof. got trouble in a scandal: two candidates for his PhD tutorship, the male passed English exam(the obligatory test for PhD in China), the female failed. In the final interview of April he chose the woman. The man felt it unfair and posted it on the Internet. The rivals of the Prof. in law circle took the advantage of this, intended to ruin his fame. (Unlike in US, Chinese universities get funds from the government. Anywhere exist interests, there must be conflicts. This Prof. is sharp and outspoken in academic arguments, so he has some rivals. There're different interests groups in law circle.)
His rivals attacked his personality and professional accomplishments. There was a dispute between two groups in law circle. My law school was in rivals' group, while I supported this Prof's theory (precisely, he translated Judge/ Prof. Richard Posner's theory), namely, Economic Analysis of Law. Prof. Posner is the leading figure of " Chicago School".  It influenced my pragmatism belief. Why? My 1st degree is Economics, so I can understand this new branch of Law and I have great interest in it. That's why my question impressed this Prof so much, back then few Chinese scholars researched on the subject.
 
In August, the situation of academic war got worse. Economic Analysis of Law was criticized as bullshit just because it was translated/ introduced by this Prof. in a scandal. It was frustrating, as I aimed to do research in this field. I also thought it was unfair to mingle his moral level with professional achievement. I mean, they were diffident fields to discuss; we can't judge his academic works through his morality level; besides, no solid evidence for this scandal.
 
So, I wrote an article in pen name to defend this subject and support Posner's theory, and published on Peking University's law-thinker site. ( 10 years ago I was innocent, brave, had strong sense of fairness.) Though with a pen name, I soon caught suspicion, maybe due to my unique fine writing style( unlike dry traditional legal writings) and economic background knowledge. Thus, gossip began and I was regarded as a charming confidant of the Prof., as I did a favor to support him in crisis.
 
In December 2005, Paris,  I met him in international symposia( I studied in Paris I (Sorbonne-Pantheon) University 2005-2006). He asked me to post a letter for his wife. I did, and he invited me to have lunch with his former students. During lunch, he hoped me to show him around the Museum Louvre the next day, as his male students would be busy. The next morning at the entrance I appointed with him to meet at noon, then rushed to class. At noon, I backed to museum to show him around a bit. In the afternoon  he took the flight to china. (My blog Paris)
The gossip went worse because many knew he went to Paris for 2 days. The fact was he stayed in hotel with 2 former male students, and I lived in student dorm with a roommate of Muslim( I didn't eat pork for 1 year). So, NO SEX. Even if he'd like to, I wouldn't agree, as he was married and I also a bit doubted that "scandal". But I didn't asked him about "the female candidate", as I respected his privacy and he looked so honest. For me, he was like academic friend of the same group, easy-going. For him, I was intelligent, cute, nice? I guess.
 
In 2007, China, I accidentally found the info of "the female candidate". My God, she was born in 1970, even older than me. She initially came from an school( not university)in SiChuan Province, then went to Beijing and became adult student of Peking University. She is short(over 150cm)and fat, plain-looking. Her husband was in Sichuan.
Now I realized the " scandal" was a conspiracy. In 2004, her photo was posted online, in which she sat there, with face downward looked at somewhere, so you couldn't tell her age, appearance and height. The public were misguided to believe she was a 20's student, and easily form a picture: young girls slept with prof. to get a diploma. In fact she was 34 and married at that time.
 
 
Later, rumor spread in China, as some high officials got involved in. The gossip eventually turned into a political mess. The situation was totally out of control. It lasted for 4 years until the Presidency Election 2012-13. I don't care about politics at all. The rumor was disgusting, so I quit the job. Thanks to my savings from projects for Japanese Foundation, I can invest them in a company. Thank God!
 
The rumor was disgusting, stupid and absurd. I was rumored as acned( I have fine skin), lazy( I worked hard in my 20's and made myself a millionaire; I cooked and did housework by myself in the 4 years; I painted, etc). However, that woman was rumored as a virgin! ( with a husband,virgin of age 40?) , as a young girl, shy; poem(actually I sometimes write poems). etc.
 
I just ignored the rumor. However, I couldn't stand some women with fake boobs superficially postured before me in the street in the past 4 years. I felt pity for this, it advocated a harmful social culture, namely, women trade themselves for interests other than by working hard or virtues.
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How Many Sex Partners Should I Have? 389 Views 02/02/14
Recently I watch some romantic movies in order to get some inspiration or tips on True Love.
Not every romance has a happy ending, which poses a good question to the viewers and help them to think about it.
 
Besides some insights of romance, what impressed me most is a girl over 20s who had sex with 50 men since age 12( in other movies the popular statistics are 20~30). I was shocked. I can't imagine it from my poor experiences of sex(my first time was in 20s, the same guy until we broke up.)
 
 So suddenly I felt a twinge of envy for her. Wow, she enjoyed so much! Should I go to night club to have some fun or try dating many guys? I was confused at that moment. 
 
In the following two days, I kept thinking What I'm Searching? Then I'm coolheaded, it's Love not Sex (Of course, love brings you to bed). I'm quite sure I don't like have sex with a stranger or different guys. I can't bear it. It's not my taste.
 
Now I'm calm and peaceful, as I know myself better than ever, and I don't envy her any more.
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What Makes Me A Happy Woman? 94 Views 01/25/14
Robert asked me the question:" What makes you a happy woman?"
Here's answer.
 
Confidence. I'm comfortable with my merits and flaws, and I know merits outweigh flaws,haha. I'm sure I can take care of myself and others, physically and emotionally. I know what I want in life(the happiness/a Happy marriage) and strive for them.
 
Life philosophy. I believe in Taoism, Pragmatism and God. From Taoism, I'm to "let it be", keep calm and peaceful under any circumstance; as a pragmatist, I pursue happiness in due courses; God makes me more compassionate, no jealousy, love and respect kind persons.
 
By nature. I'm lucky to be optimistic, always look at the bright sides of things no matter what happens.
Past experiences. I've gone through a lot in the past, thank God, which made me a better person. I learned to reflect on what happened and nourished myself from it. I was rumored, thus suffered unfair criticism from some jealous women. However, I ignored the rumor and kept calm. It's obvious that if I was as worthless as they criticized, they needn't regard me as a rival; if so, they're idiots as they scare themselves by a fake competition. Glad to know my value was recognized by the public though in an annoying way( the stupid rumor).
 
In this sense, I managed to make something positive out of those unpleasant experiences. I'm happy with this. It means I'm not defeated by the adversity, not hesitate to face challenges, not lose hope of happiness.
P.S.: Robert is the only friend to pose such a question, to care about my inner world. I appreciate it. Look forward to hearing from him more questions that provoke   ideas. 
Now I'm 90% happy as I feel lonely on weekends. Once I stay with Him(my true love) I'm definitely 100% happy, Haha.
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What's True Love? 85 Views 01/21/14
Recently I watched a romantic Danish movie, one line resonating with me, "I love you. My life can't be without you." So, what's the true love?
 
Love is a feeling, a conviction that you do adore him/her and you enjoy the company all the time no matter under what circumstances.
 
True love is joyful. 
He/she would make your life different from now on, more delightful and worthwhile. Such a wonderful feeling that you hope to spend the rest of life with this person, you hope to enjoy every day.
 
True love is unique. 
He/she plays an irreplaceable role in your emotional life. This person understand you, support you and cherish you; meanwhile, has his own brand, his unique charm, such as nice personality, talent, etc., or he's the one loves you the most.
 
True love does comprise chemistry, while chemistry doesn't imply true love. Sometimes it's the lust that misleads you. A whore can satisfy your lust, but can't meet the need of true love. Thus, true love should work both in bed and in mind.

 

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My Blind-Date Experiences 138 Views 01/19/14
I began my blind date adventure two months ago. 
On a sunny day in November 2013, I suddenly felt the urge for a romantic relationship, after 8 years' distraction on study and hobbies. It's time back to love battle. So I searched "matchmaking sites", then somehow Australia. xxx.com popped on top of the list. I clicked and registered a username there.
 
It needs a profile. What shall I say to my dear Prince White? It was hard to make it due to 8 -year gap in romance. I tried to imagine He was there smiling at me. Closing my eyes, I felt his unique scent, his tender touch and warm hug. Deep down inside me the desire for true love was awaken. Such an irresistible impulse that I realized I'd rather die if I couldn't find Him as life would be boring. A happy marriage is vital to me. That was my profile, my dream relationship. I wrote it with my heart.
 
I looked through the site. One picture caught my eyes, a father and son in the swimming pool. His loving eyes were impressive. I thought he was softhearted to his family. His name is Marcca, age 51, CEO.
 
Two days later I got an email from Charlx, a long and nice introduction of himself, age 41, with a little daughter, the successful professional, PhD. He sounded sincere. We sent emails. He gave me Tel and asked me to close profile. I didn't but promised so once I knew him more. Then came the first weekend, I attended a public event all day. On the way home I somehow felt lonely especially when couples passing me by. I expected to get his warm email as a comfort, however, no email. I wrote him that even a few lines from him would delight me on weekend. He didn't respond in 2 days. Then I said it was over since you were too busy to work out the relationship. Several days later, he explained" wasn't feel fine". An excuse?  I didn't write back.
 
I was a bit down by this. At that point arrived the email from Marcca. I  said " now isn't the good timing. I need a break of 3 weeks or 1 month to put me together, to continue soulmate search." Next morning came his 2nd email:" It's the light at the end of the tunnel. ...I await your response." I knew he was sincere, however, I didn't answer him, just not in the mood. I can't bear to emotionally swift from a man to another overnight. I deleted my photos from the profile. To my surprise, 10 days later I was recovered from it. I back to the site, but Marcca's profile was gone. I decided to close profile on that Australia website.
 
One friend recommended me to visit this site, as it's more reliable. On the 1st day I logged in, I got the email from Chxx, age 46. Oh, My God. Marcca came too late, Charlx came too early. Chxx's arrival was good timing, neither too late nor too early. When I woke up on the New Year morning I got his greeting message. It was sweet. He hoped to meet up in his country. I agreed and prepared for visa, which requires his invitation letter and copies of passport and financial statement. He was reluctant to supply copies in case I was a scammer. It sounded insulting. Actually I can get visa on my own(via visit of other forms), however, I wanted to see his cooperation. I didn't see it. That's all.
 
 
Look back I can sense my romantic/tender side, my rational/self-protective side as well. For the former, I sincerely search true love/my future husband at all costs; for the latter, I'm a bit selective, he should be a gentleman, a nice person.
 
According to a research, there are at least 2000 good matches to you in the whole world. All you need is the good timing, to find Him at the right time. 
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We Are All Kids 83 Views 01/16/14

Recently I haven't written any blog as I've been busy or not in the mood. Today I'd like to share a touching moment in daily life.

When I was waiting for the lift, a young mother and her little daughter  stepped in. Apparently they just went shopping, the mother carried several shopping bags. The 4 or 5 year old ittle girl had a colorful paper in her hands, then she dropped it on the floor and ran into the lift. Her mother scolded her:" Don't litter again. You're annoying !"  I noticed the little girl became unhappy due to mother's words, she stood quietly at the corner of the lift, then she made eye contact with me. I gave her a big smile and said: " Come on, my dear, your mum is joking. She loves you." At that time her mother also smiled at me and looked at her  in a loving way. Then they got their floor, the lift opened. When the mother pulling the girl's hand stepped out of the lift, the little girl suddenly turned to me and in a very loud voice said:" Good bye, dear aunt!" " Good bye, sweetie, have a nice day!" I said to her and  somehow got touched.

I have no kids yet. I do love kids. They're innocent, like angels. They're helpless, need to be looked after and protected by adults. So please be loving and patient to kids, as your unintentional words might hurt their tender hearts, might deprive them of happiness.

We all went through that phase of life as a kid. We are all kids. Please love and give kids due respect, which would bring a much better future.

 

2014 January

 

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The Treasures I Lost (3) 38 Views 01/09/14

My beloved blue tophus earring lost on the bank of Qinhuai River.

 

The next stop was Yangzhou. In a shop on the Dongguan high street, I was surprised to spot a pair of pale blue earrings, dotted with little dark blue and orange, golden brim, in a shape of a prolonged water drop. My heart was pounding as if I bumped into an old friend whom I missed so much. I bought them immediately. The shopkeeper said there was only one pair in the shop. Although this pair of earrings was not that one I lost, the similarity of their color (pale blue) and design was somewhat a great comfort for me.

 

Encountering, possessing and losing one item, it seems to be a cycle and unchangeable reality of the world as well. Like human beings, items have their own destiny. I encountered them by chance, I cherished them until someday they disappeared from my life. I say nothing about it, even though I know that item has stolen my heart and is my treasure for ever. I am grateful and happy with the transitory possession, as it warmed and ornamented my life, like the fireworks.

2013, May

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The Treasures I Lost (2) 23 Views 01/09/14

Two: Small Porcelain Bowl

In 2013, in Hokkaido, Japan. One day I was shopping in a small shop, suddenly several small flower bowls caught my attention, white blossom of sakura depicted on the whole pale red porcelain bowl, refined shades, tasteful design and good quality, like the artworks. I picked up one to hold in my hand. I liked it so much that I wouldn’t put it down. I bought a pair of bowls, one pale red and one pale green, then left happily. As soon as I went back to the flat, I filled the bowls with water, put in the colorful stone necklace I bought in Beijing. In such a way it looked exquisite, sakura blossoming in the clear water, plus colorful crystal-clear stone necklace sparking. I placed the bowls on the desk, really a feast to eyes.

 

After I returned to China, small flower bowls stayed on my desk as usual. When tired of reading, I would look at them for a while, then in a mood as delightful as sakura and got refreshed.

 

I moved from Changchun to Hangzhou, then to Shanghai due to career change. During this period, my baggage became less and less, especially the law books for my Ph.D remain few, while small flower bowls I kept all the time. In 2012 from UK back to China, I posted my baggage from Shanghai to Shandong. Postman checked the cases and informed that porcelain wasn’t allowed to post and I had to take them out. Unluckily, I forgot where the bowls were put, as I rushed to weigh the cases and paid postage (there were 8 cases and other customers waited in the queue). Until I received the cases in Shandong, I found my small flower bowls were gone. It was a blow.

I lost my lovely small flower bowls. I fantasy one day I could come across bowls exactly alike.

 

Three: One Earring

In the spring of 2006, in Paris, France. Every day on my way to University of Paris I (Sorbonne), I took the opportunity to enjoy the glamour of French women passing by me in the street, at the underground, sitting in the open café, or stepping out of the building nearby. They hurriedly passing by, I barely caught a glimpse, which was a surprisingly pleasant experience. In my view, the secret of French ladies’ charm is their natural elegancy and good taste for dressing, regardless of how old they are. Bestowed with a nice figure, high and slim, most French females have a model style, easy to be glamorous via smart dressing. The most common clothes such as a shirt, a plain cotton skirt, even sweater and plimsolls could play magic on them, which turned into a fascinating scene, lighting up the street. This was the power of beauty, silent but overwhelming, I was carried away by it.

 

I always appreciate the spirit of fashion. It is not a sexy thing, but an attitude towards life, namely, love life and enjoy it to the full. Life never lacks of beauty and joy, but rather lacks of eyes to discover it and hearts to feel it. In my spare time, I often lingered at crafts shops in Paris, which was an enjoyable pastime. One day I saw a pair of tophus earrings, the long silver chain embellished with three tophus, like three pale blue water drops, the top one smallest and the end one largest. Seven unequal-sized crystals lined up with the chain casually but chicly, with a pale red one among them. I gently picked up earrings, the crystals slightly swaying and shining in the mild beam of the noon. It was appealing, pale blue, transparence and pale red mixed up perfectly, a quite good match with my black hair. I liked them very much and paid immediately.

 

This pair of earrings had been worn until I had a tour to Nanjing in the December of 2012. Impressed by the reputation of the night scene on Qinhuai River, I went there in the freezing cold. Despite it was 8 clock at night, the walking street along the river was crowded, hustle and bustle. Tasting various local specialties, watching colorful lanterns and lamps, I had a wonderful time and strolled around up to 10 clock. When waiting for the underground, I found one of my earrings was gone. I recalled that I pulled wool cap down to cover my ears for several times due to the chilly weather. It was likely that one earring was hooked by the wool cap and then fell to the ground when I walked along the river bank. The next day I rushed back and looked for it thoroughly. However, where could I find my earring on such a large tourist zone? I felt frustrated but had no other choice. My bel

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The Treasures I Lost 31 Views 01/09/14

 

To me, some items are cherished so much that it’s hard to discard them, especially after a long time possession. At first sight I fell in love with these items and regarded them as treasures. Owning them is a moderate pleasure and a huge satisfaction as well. There are several items in my life, gotten by chance and lost in the flux of life, to leave me endlessly missing them.

 

One: Zheng

I can’t tell the exact time when attracted by Zheng, just remember being hit by the distinct traits: the lingering charm of its sound, the elegancy of its slim and simple structure, and the refined taste of its dark color. Compared with Pipa’s, the sound of Zheng displays less intensity and more mildness, delivering an artistic conception resonated with the audience. Compared with Erhu’s, the touching tone of Zheng implies less grief, sentimental but not being heartbroken. Although I was fond of Zheng, I never played it, engaged in study and trifles instead ( an excuse? I guess).

 

In 2010 when I lived in Shanghai, the opportunity of playing Zheng finally arrived. Recovered from a 2 month-long illness (It was severe cough caused by the feeling of heartbreak and it was such a pain that consumed my vigor a lot), like the rebirth of phoenix from the fire, I was in a simplest mood ever since and tried to ignore all distractions in the life. During the recovery process I gained more insights of the life and society, and believed in the principle of ShunQiZiRan (let things run its course). The reason for my feeling of hurt was my disappointment to the current social circumstances and public opinions, for example, some people spread the rumor for their own interests which stirred the society and brought the nation into a chaos, while others blindly followed the rumor without judging it discreetly. At that time I struggled to keep calm in spite of the severity of the outside world. It occurred to me that the life was short and it wasn’t wise to give up hobbies for the sake of the pursuit of material goals such as fame and money etc. If you had any hobby, just enjoy it. So I began to learn Zheng-playing from Ms. Zhu. She chose Longfeng(Dragon &Phoenix, a brand from Yangzhou)for me to start, the one decorated with carvings of ancient carriage. I liked it very much. It was a pleasant experience every time I went to her home for study. She was kind and played Zheng well. Under her instruction of over ten classes, I could play YuZhouChangWan(the song of fishers in the evening ) on my own. Of course, I haven’t played at a professional level so far, however, playing a whole song on Zheng to entertain myself was such a delight for me. When I sat at it, wrapped my nails and began to play, my heart was instantly as peaceful as the deep green lake, where rippled by the breeze in the sound of Zheng. At that moment, the hullabaloo around me and pains of the life were totally drowned by the lake water, no chance to hide or escape from. Even the air in the room seemed to become lively, dancing between light and shadow naughtily. During that period of time, I led an orderly life: two hours of Zheng playing in the morning, reading or blogging in the afternoon, and a walk to the Zhongshan Park in the evening.

 

In September I went to Cambridge to study and my favorite Zhen was carried with me. Its package for the flight was a tough task. I wrapped it with a blanket plus thick plastic layers. When I stepped out of the arrival hall of the Heathrow Airport in London with heavily packaged Zheng on my luggage trolley, I immediately caught curious attention from the crowd. HaHa. OH, my God. I called a taxi and the driver had to adjust the seat to place Zheng in the car. However, despite I took Zheng to UK over a long international journey, I eventually couldn’t play it as expected. I had a full class schedule and back home late in the evening, so I wouldn’t play it in case of disturbing neighbors. Was it possible to play it on the greens in the park at weekends? No, the weather of UK was notorious for being windy, overcast and rainy in the autumn and winter. So, I ended up sighing to my Zheng on numerous nights, which stood quietly in the corner of my bedroom.

 

Considering the possible damage to Zheng during another long international journey, I decided to transact it before my return to China. Thanks to Mr. Yang and Mr. Jiang, I left Zheng with the Student Art Society of Cambridge. The day when Zheng was taken away, I took photos for it, so sad that I regretted to part it. Recalling the days of living on Jiangsu Road in Shanghai 2010, I regarded this Zheng as an old friend, who accompanied me in the tough time and supported me to go through hardships. Playing Zheng on a daily basis helped to shelter me from current annoyance for a moment, which got me refreshed and able to retain strengths and vigor to move on.

 

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Cambridge Mood Diary(2) 32 Views 01/09/14

It is somewhat exaggerated?

However, QiPao is no longer the daily dress. Influenced by the Marxism and the Russian Revolution, Chinese Communist Party led a revolution and set up a new regime in 1949. Regarded as the part of a bourgeois life style due to the fact that only upper class could afford silk QiPao( poor women in cloth or rags), it was politically wrong to wear QiPao according to the egalitarian ideology, thus it was abandoned. Today, QiPao still can be seen on some special occasions like the wedding, where the bride usually wears a white wedding-robe(the western style), then wears a red QiPao because it is beautiful. 

I bought my first QiPao several years ago( before going to Paris for study in 2005, sounds like a necessity for abroad life, HaHa) , but I didn't wear it! As Paris is the fashion centre, I bought clothes there and enjoyed. So, up until now my QiPao is still new because I wore it several times since I came to Cambridge in 2011. I am fond of QiPao but wear it only when I am abroad for social activities (you are a foreigner and no one cares about your style. In fact it is somewhat like other Asian costumes). In China, I rarely wear it because it doesn't fit the surroundings, even though mine is a more modern version, short in length(the genuine QiPao to the ankle). Imagine you are in the street, people in T-shirts, jeans or shorts passing.....For me, the best means to savour the charm of QiPao is to watch the films or pictures of 1920-30's.

By the way, I once spotted several people dressed in ancient Han gown(over two thousands years ago), like the costumes in Chinese opera, huge sleeves etc. It is stunning but inconvenient for modern daily life, good for horse-riding or 轿子(sedan) not for bicycling or car driving. HaHa


P.S.: 火锅(HuoGuo, fire pot) is another Mandarin speciality, a renowned food.   

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Dancing in the wind 45 Views 01/08/14

As a Chinese saying goes: You should be self-independent at the age of thirty; You should have no confusion over life at the age of forty; You should be aware of the destiny at the age of fifty. Of course, in this traditional Chinese cultural context "You" refers to the male, while social roles of the female are missing.

Today female adults are liberated from housework and grow into an important social force. Under this circumstances, the Self-Independence of 30-year-olds gains new significance. For women, it means economic self-independence and spiritual self-independence. The scene is like dancing in the wind, freely and delightfully.

Your purse determines your status both at home and in the society. It sounds a bit cliche that The economic base determines the superstructure but it is the case, and it doesn't conflict with the principle of Everyone is equal before the law. There are numerous examples to demonstrate it. In civil law, the evolution of the concept of civil subject is linked with the development of the institution of the ownership of property. According to ancient Roman Law, the Father was dominant in the family and owned the property, his offspring had no right to claim the ownership. In modern civil law, the right to claim ownership is the implication of being a qualified civil subject (there are exceptions for minors and the limited-capability persons, but they still can benefit from certain acts like donation). Of course, having the right to claim property and literally owning property are two different matters. As for women, they were not be treated as civil subjects in the early days, and until after the bourgeois revolution did they begin to enjoy equal rights as men in the society. 
Besides natural association with the social role of women, economic self-independence is an  important factor in family relationships as well. Being financially dependent on the husband, the wife tends to lack sense of security and exposes herself to the possible risk of being a puppet. No matter how sweet the honey-moon is, the equilibrium of relationship is easy to break in the long term.

The sense of ego is the secret weapon of female charms, the source of loveliness.

According to the Bible, Eve was created by God to accompany Adam. In Chinese version,   Goddess used the clay to create mankind. Anyway, the difference doesn't matter. The important thing is that females have appeared on the historical stage with a new identity, an independent existence and an attractive creature. 

However, the establishment of many institutions such as the same pay for the same work, no gender discrimination and so on cannot be taken as the promises of a happen life to females.  For them, a happy life only exists in the dream but never realised.

The question is what does happiness mean and where can you find it? The answer is Happiness lies in your heart. When you stop sobbing, wipe away your tears, look at the running world around you and learn to appreciate it, you will surprisingly find a new world, a marvellous world. You will smell the fragrance of flowers, hear the cheerful twittering of birds, feel the warmth of sunshine, etc. You will catch every touching moment and keep them in mind, reminding yourself the goodness of the life. No longer relying on him like a vine climbing on the wall, no longer being anxious about his affection to you, you learn to enjoy life, enjoy every day. Unconsciously, you are wearing a big smile now, radiant and irresistible charming.



At the age of thirty, you gain deeper understanding of the world than before, have more insights into the life; you are calm to face the challenges of the fate, bear more courage to fulfil the responsibility you are expected of. 

27 June 2012, Cambridge


发自我的 iPad

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Cambridge Mood Diary 22 Views 01/08/14

Finding a husband should be like eating salmon, every day facing it but never get bored with. HaHa.                                                                                                27 June                                                     


16 June, Sex equal to love?
Just now I watched a Hollywood love story, as always, a happy ending. it sounds a bit cliche, anyway.

To be honest, I don't believe this would be the case in realty. It shocks me not for the dramatic feelings, but its claim that the best way to express your love is sex. 
As usual, the more I am longing for true love, the more possible I ignore the sex. But now I have to admit  I'm out-of-date, I feel puzzled. 
All the modern films treat sex as the  prologue of relationship. Is sex equal to the love? I don't know. Maybe this is a classic question, like the one about chicken and egg. Does the love spark ignite our passion, or the satisfaction of desire convinces us of the affections?
Maybe both cases are true. 

For me, passion should be the fruit of affection, I mean, technically.  Sometimes instincts do play a role in the relationship, but this type of relationship won't go far. The reason is palpable that we don't spend all the time in bed, instead most of the time we dress up and keep calm. A good match of characters and personalities is vital to the sound relationship, I suppose.



17 June
Tonight I chanced to watch a film, Perfume: A Story of Murder. Several years ago I read the novel of French version. Only finishing the first chapter I dropped it, as the scene was horrible and the darkness of that age held me back. 

The plot is not as pleasant as the fragrance. Obsessed with the scents in the world, the man experiments to make the best perfume by killing girls to collect their body aromas. 

Gifted in the sense of smell, grown up in the salvage and hardship, no family affections, no education, he is a primitive man, a unique creature. The only thing he knows and concerns is the scent, through which he gets to know the world. For him, smell is the soul of the existence. 

I don't like the theme, it's too dark, too desperate. I don't know how the author made up this story, even doubt what his intention was. The turbulent society of those days sets the backdrop, its poverty, crime and grime are shocking. 




18 June
Today I watch True Love: Nick. 

What a dilemma! Maintaining the balance between family commitments and irresistible affections is like treading a string in the air. You have no choice but to make an option, no matter it is right or not, always a ruthless one to both sides.

Love, deeply-rooted in our nature , is doomed to be the eternal theme of human society. This is the magic of heart, the amazing chemical reactions in human body, the marvellous feelings of each other. As well as enjoying the fabulous pleasure of love, we suffer all the biting emotions provoked by it such as desperation, jealousy and sadness.

Day by day, we see love stories putting on across the world, in comic or tragic endings; generation after generation, we have no knowledge of guaranteeing love fresh to pass down. We try and error but never find the solution. 

Anyway, I like the background music, a touching melody, properly depicted the atmosphere.



True Love : Paul
Bored with the house-bound wife and noisy baby, he spotted a young woman on the way to work.......Finally, he found he was deceived for money, then back to wife.
The same story happens again and again. 
I am speechless for it. Maybe people (especially the husbands) don't know to cherish what they own until they lost them ?


19 June, True Love : Holly

Unexpectedly, I am moved by the affections between the two girls.
Maybe what they long for are the comfort, the tender, the understanding from each other.
Sometimes we are defeated by the loneliness, fancy someone beside you to share with your moods, to accompany you.

They are brave to challenge the convention, to face the world. I can kind of understand them. Maybe we should be tolerant to them? 

19 June,  True Love :Sandra
Age cannot block our feelings for love. Love is not the privilege of the youth.
The middle-aged people still need love to nourish their lives.


8 June
Today I wore a 旗袍(QiPao,  mandarin gown) to attend the Holy Trinity Church services. One Indonesian church-friend said:" You're wearing a Chinese dress!" " Not exactly," I corrected him slightly. 

In fact,  QiPao originated from the traditional costume of Man People(满族), one of 56 ethnic groups in China. Several hundreds years ago, Man nomadic tribes who lived in the northeast of China, famous for horse-riding skills, established Qing Dynasty(清朝),the last feudal regime in China's history.  Consequently, mandarin gown replaced Han gown (of Han People) to become the national dress. However, at that time, mandarin gown was different from modern QiPao , for example, big sleeves,etc. 

During the period of 民国(the Republic of China from 1912-1949) QiPao gained its name, when the modern style formed and became a fashion. Compared to the traditional mandarin costume, it is close-fitting, perfectly displaying the curves of females and the sleeves are snug or without sleeves. Now its shape is similar to modern western dress except for the collar and hand-made buttons. 

Why QiPao is considered as the traditional Chinese dress by so many foreigners?
The reason is simple. Prior to 民国( the Republic of China from 1912-1949), Chinese females had little chance to go abroad, due to feudal culture and the isolation political policy. Since then, more and more Chinese people have visited other countries, including many females, of course, who usually wore QiPao, as it was daily dress and beautiful. Unlike western gowns, QiPao has an oriental charm, a good match to the figure and appearance of Chinese women. It boasts the best way to display the glamour of a Chinese lady. It is somewhat ex

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Casablanca 39 Views 01/08/14

18 June 2012, on the train to London

Last night I watched Casablanca. Once again I was thrilled, a real classic.

The touching story of gentleman-ship: two gentlemen love the same lady. At the critical moment, they both choose to protect her.....


Second World War set the gloom backdrop, however, such an unpleasant circumstances highlights the charm of the love, the sweeping force of the love. The dangerous situation is the best way to test human nature, to identify true love, to create genuine romantic feelings.

Patriotism, love and sacrifice are woven into the theme. Pay tribute to the intelligence( if they are for the right cause, HaHa.)

The soundtrack As Time Goes By is my favourite. It interprets the whole story, so overwhelming. 



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Paris(2) 96 Views 12/20/13

[Continued] It seems that the white marble is given the temperature of the human body, the muscular lines present the beauty of force, the slightly upward lips show confidence and persistence, a smart look gleams in the deep eyes. The flipped skirt is the mischief of the wind, lustrous eyes disclose the secret pleasure of love, a charming smile glows with happiness and shyness. I was captivated by these figures!
Great works such as David, Venus, or little angels with wings have been endowed with souls in the hands of the masters. The magic is the glamour of eternity.

I continued my visit to the picture galleries where the chef d’oeuvres of various times and various schools are displayed on the walls. The classic canvases have a look of magnificence in a luxuriant style(luxuriously colourful), particularly the ones on religious themes, each painting telling a Bible story. The paintings of the contemporary Impressionist School are mainly concerned with scenery and portraits of ordinary people, which reflects the prevailing humanist trends of the society at that time. As I was used to viewing traditional Chinese paintings, which were characterised by a concern with feeling rather than with accurate depiction, I was greatly inspired by the different styles of these western paintings. The art world was incredibly tremendous, I exclaimed.

La Joconde. The mysterious smile of Mona Lisa held my gaze for quite a while. It is said that from whichever direction viewers look at the painting they would meet Mona Lisa’s eyes without any exception. I had a try and it was the case. As a masterpiece, this painting is separately exhibited in a small hall where photo-taking is forbidden. It was in this small hall that I had an appointment with a scholar.

In the middle of December, some Chinese scholars were invited to an international conference at l'IEP (Institut d'Etudes Politiques de Paris). At the conference I fortuitously met a professor whom I knew. During the break, he asked if I would do him a favour to post a letter for his wife. I promised to help him. Early the next morning I went to the post office and deliberately chose the registered mail in case the letter got lost. Then I came to the conference and handed him the receipt and the change. To express his gratitude, he invited me to lunch. During the lunch, he said he would return to China the next day and before boarding he would like to visit the Louvre. “Would anyone like to accompany me to serve as a guide?” he asked (he doesn't speak French). Other people said they were occupied. I was going to have classes in the morning and after that I would be free. So the next morning we met at the entrance of the Louvre. After making an appointment to meet in the hall of La Joconde at 12 clock, I rushed to school. 

The reasons for choosing La Joconde hall were palpable. It was easy for the professor to find the way in the giant Louvre. Due to the fame of the painting anyone could show him the direction. Moreover, since it is forbidden to take photos, he could spend time appreciating the masterpiece in case I was late (for example, because of traffic jam), and it would not be a waste of time. Actually I was late, by nearly as much as an hour (HaHa, my God). Normally my class finished at half past eleven. That day we visited a Paris law court. When the staff finished the presentation it was nearly 12 clock, followed by the Q&A section. I was a bit anxious but I could do nothing but wait (I hadn’t brought my cell phone). Two girls began to raise questions endlessly. When the class was over it was already half past twelve. I headed for the Louvre hurriedly. Considering the professor would take the flight in the afternoon, it was better to cancel lunch to spare more time to visit the museum. So I stopped on the way to buy some fresh croissants, drinks and fruits in the bakery. When I finally arrived, it was one clock. No time to explain, I accompanied him to visit other halls. This experience strengthened my sense of punctuality. I now try to be on time; if unavoidable delay occurs, I will let others know it as soon as possible.

The Louvre records the story of civilisation and fixes the marks of time. It resembles a sage, calmly telling us what happened in the past, demonstrating history in a silent but powerful manner. Yet at the same time, it resembles a cheerful teenager in the bloom of youth, making progress day by day, becoming more vigorous and reaching mature. My every visit to the Louvre was productive of new discoveries.

The Rodin, Orsay and Picasso museums were also my favourite haunts at the weekends. Gazing at these great works of art, my eyes shifting between sculptures and paintings, I appreciated the nuances of fabulous shades, lines and strokes, dialogued with the masters in my imagination, and tried to understand and interpret the intention of the author. Nothing could be more pleasant in the world than such an experience.

It is worth mentioning that the French government attaches great importance to the preservation of the country’s rich heritage and culture. Each year a wide range of public places offer two days of free entry to the public, such as the Presidential Residence, the Parliament, the Louvre, La Tour Eiffel, the Pompidou Modern Art Centre etc. I once waited for nearly three hours outside the President’s Palace, the long queue of foreign tourists all in good order, as was at the 2010 World Expo in Shanghai.

Paris inspires the artists.
This is an ingenious, sensitive and charming nation.

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