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TG 4 VA
30 Views
05/16/13
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I have just returned home from a 30 hour stay at the VA hospital in Bay Pines, Florida
After a week of pain, little sleep, and inability to keep anything down, I finally came to the conclusion that a visit to the health care professionals was needed
In the last 30 hours I had a chest x-ray, sonagrams for heart and kidneys, a subway ride into a cat scan, multiple blood samples, and a gastro photo shoot. The technologies were amazing.
Although my patient patience was at times frustrated and confrontational the nursing staff and doctors were tolerant and professional....I wasnt the worst they have encountered.
My hats is off to those that work in health care in the personal level ....the business of Health Care isnt ALL about money and profits
Thank GOD for the VA ....the cost to me ZERO
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Whom Woodafigured
129 Views
03/04/13
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For a couple years I 've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm over worked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me. And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.
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WHERE THE GRASS IS GREENER
123 Views
11/14/12
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A very prestigious wealthy man and his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says: "Who was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough. I want a divorce!" "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember if we get a divorce, it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a colleague of the husband enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Matt ?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. "Ours is prettier," she replies.
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THINGS COULD BE WORSE
116 Views
11/12/12
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A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty
Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates
for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You
should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which
she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America
without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be
circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,'
'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut'
without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced
by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your
vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such
as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let
Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted
to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of
'-ize.'
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers,
or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows
that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for
shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or
speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if
you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start
driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will
go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the
British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are
properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and
dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as
beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred
to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for
pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the
beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for
them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so
that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good
guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play
English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in
Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears
removed with a cheese grater.
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host
an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of
America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your
borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will
let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their
deliveries.
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies
due (backdated to 1776).
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with
saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes;
plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT
humor)!
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Saving time
102 Views
09/01/12
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Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?' 'Well, 'he explained,'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now..'
I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?' "Oh, certainly!'
Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.' I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?' 'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
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DARE TO CARE
103 Views
08/31/12
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Woke this morning with these thoughts
Are we willing to be selfless enough to care about :
our feelings. how we are...whatever the weather
our spirits. what we are as spiritual beings....how we seek our peaceful centers
our wind, water and fire..the winds of reality. the flow of the daily experiences. passions that fuel the living fires
We need to be respected appreciated and lusted after to keep the warmth of heated love
Be happy....Play often and fairly. it's contageous,
Do we dare to care?
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"by the people for the people"
278 Views
08/12/12
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A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Nothing is moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and are asking for a $10 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."
"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "About a gallon."
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Cyber Sex
228 Views
06/30/12
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Yah never wooda figured
A little boy goes to his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway. Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via E-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to do a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-up appeared and said, "You've Got Male."
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??? WONDERING ???
98 Views
04/29/12
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Are we like the rainy day
That falls from the clouds
Into the lake high on a mount
A moment we lay and look at gods face
caught in a current taking us to¿ stream
our trip through branches and rivers
Rolling and carrying over of rocks¿
Making them smooth as we rush along
Over falls of immense heights to¿ whirlpools below
To recover and nurture¿seeds in need
along for life as we hurry and go¿on our way
Drawing gold silver and mud to the shores
And at the end we are washed fresh and clear
Clean tasting to mix with the salty sea
To become what we were all along
the all composites of the fish laden sea
do we rise into the clouds one storming night
to be deposited again into the lake whence we came
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??? A matter of Defintion ???
89 Views
03/20/12
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We all know what the implied meaning of FWB is.
But just to add some confusion to spur some discusions ...Aren't ALL relations a matter of Friends with Benefits????
Even in a "commited relationship" do we not do favors for the other in response to favors given???
It doesnt always have to be money,gifts,rent etc.for attention. Don't we do those things anyway????
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