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Bethanieann
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total posts: 13
Blog title: The affair
Blog description:I can be your princess, let her be the queen, she can wear the crown of glory as I lurk happily in the shadows. let her rule the universe, i just want your world, let her sing aloud for the world to hear, i just want YOU to be happy, let me whisper in your ear I don't need to call you my own, it wont change my point of view she can need the riches of the universe my treasure is the time i spend with you! You say i care to much, i dont know how to care too little, take the best of both worlds ...
My blog address: http://MillionaireMatch.com/blog/Bethanieann
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3 words 100 Views 03/02/07
How many times have you used those three words? How many times did you mean it? Is it ok to say it because it sounds good if you are not sure if you mean it? Who said it first? I don't get it...*crying*(not really) So I guess if you love someone you are willing to give up everything for them right? In order to be in love that person has to love you back? I have sat a few times and wondered if I loved another person or I was in love with the idea of being in love...at the time it is hard to tell, love, lust, passion...damn, I give up...nap time! Does anybody have anything to say about this? Please?
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wanted 22 Views 03/02/07
What is absolute euphoria? Is it when you are stress free with no bad intentions? When you have no plans and just start walking? Maybe go to a park and have lunch and read a book? Or is it when you get comfy under a blanket on a couch and pour yourself your favorite adult beverage and get that warm fuzzy feeling inside? I need to be loved, regardless of sex...someone to touch me when i need to be touched, someone to tell me im beautiful and want to cook me dinner. Sometimes go out and show me off but also want to stay home and play in the hot tub. If anybody knows of an individual like this, let me know...
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Finger 11 24 Views 03/02/07
Restless tonight cause I wasted the light between both these times I drew a really thin line its nothing I planned and not that I can but you should be mine across that line If I traded it all if I gave it all away for one thing just for one thing if I sorted it out if I knew all about this one thing wouldn?t that be something I promise I might not walk on by maybe next time but not this time even though I know I don?t wanna know yeah I guess I know I just hate how it sounds If I traded it all if I gave it all away for one thing just for one thing if I sorted it out if I knew all about this one thing wouldn?t that be something If I traded it all if I gave it all away for one thing just for one thing if I sorted it out if I knew all about this one thing wouldn?t that be something even though I know I don?t wanna know yeah I guess I know I just hate how it sounds even though I know I don?t wanna know yeah I guess I know I just hate how it sounds If I traded it all if I gave it all away for one thing just for one thing if I sorted it out if I knew all about this one thing wouldn?t that be something If I traded it all if I gave it all away for one thing just for one thing if I sorted it out if I knew all about this one thing wouldn?t that be something If I traded it all if I gave it all away for one thing just for one thing if I sorted it out if I knew all about this one thing wouldn?t that be something you really have to hear what it sounds like after we put it to music but it actually sounds really good. There is someone out there that inspired me and i hope this person will read this blog over and over until it makes sense...do you think you get it? Post a comment or email me and lets see if youve got it figured out!
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men... blah 71 Views 03/02/07
so i drive out to la on friday morning just to get away for a few hours and get home around midnight, the next morning I get a phone call from my crush and guess what, Im driving back out to la on saturday afternoon. So im not even in town for 12 hours and im going back...No problem i mean its my crush right, im supposed to do stuff like that...Anyways we drove out there on saturday for his football game and it was a pretty cool trip. The game got over and we grabbed some food and I started driving again. The whole way back was kinda weird because my mind was racing, I was just thinking about everything for some reason. I havent been happy for a long time...I mean really happy...and at the time I thought I was. I smiled inside the whole way! Finally around victorville I pulled over and we slept for 30 minutes. We woke up and i had felt a lot better so we got back on the road and i stopped to get starbucks. Back on the road again, entering town, almost home. No matter how much ireally hate vegas i have to admit it was very nice to be home...So i was getting in the 95 from the 15 and we were making plans for sunday, that was his birthday. A drunk driver decides to spoil our perfect trip. I was driving doing about 70 and he clipped the back drivers side of the car. We spun around a full time and I remember before we hit the wall all I was thinking is why couldn't it have been my side that hit the wall. I wasn't scared of the accident, I was worried about my crush. BAM we hit the wall head first, the airbags had gone off, all i remember is pulling my arms off the steering wheel for some reason. when we finally stopped i remember him checking my eyes and being freezing cold. I was so glad he was ok...that was the only thing running through my head. Later that day, Sunday, his birthday, I talked to him and told him i was comming by with his birthday gift and his stuff he put in my back pack. I show up at his house and there is a chick with him. I mean come on...it cool, they are friends right? Sure, so I bring him his bag and am totally uncomfortable the whole time. He introduces us and I could tell she didn't like me...thats ok because she didnt seem very likeable herself. So i get my stuff and sit down for a minute and she is laying on his couch and has her feet all over him...come on dude, have a little respect...i decided i wanted to leave so i did and thet was it. no hug no kiss no nothing when i got there or left. he didnt even get up...So i assumed it was ok to cry on my way home...Its not like it was just down the street, it was a 40 minute drive round trip. So on top of all of the physical pain i am in i get to deal with this too. Arent there any good looking respectable guys out there that actually know how to fuck and want a cute little girl under there arm when they go out? Like Ive said before, all i want is to be loved...and as i was told last week, i deserve to be loved, so thanks alot to the person that told me that, you really came through for me...It really sucks ass when you find someone you love being with more than life itself and they pull some wack shit... Well im single again, i think...
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ouch 17 Views 03/02/07
I cut myself today i offered you my open wound and asked you to clean my soul with the cool refreshing splash of peroxide you breathe on the world... instead you stung my heart with alcohol and made me scream...
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The party 22 Views 03/02/07
You walk through a crowded room and see that one face that doesn?t see you?wondering?what is the potential in the surrounding atmosphere, all of the people that one soul is linked to, the good, the bad, and the beautiful?developing relations to the point in which life becomes so unrealistic, and yet the warmth and comfort among all of the friendly smiles still exists. The ability to mask and black out the truth at times and become numb to the harsh reality, to dance and drink away the pain night after night while a responsible party looks out for your well being. The unhappiness no one person should be forced to endure but will still look for to accomplish their dreams until 35 years later they realize their dreams have never been what they seemed?the one face glances in your direction and an approving look has been exchanged. The evening continues in a playfully content manner as bodies are introduced into and possibly being accepted by a group a notch higher than what is familiarly comfortable but is undoubtedly acceptable.
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forgot my zoloft... 21 Views 03/02/07
Sitting impatiently waiting wondering why the bloody inferno hasn?t devoured my remains and is slowly making me suffer through the few years left, the pain I feel has no greater comparable than the fear of death that lives in the just discovering minds of the not so innocent yet radiant child. The offspring of the cruel heartless human that reproduces merely for shits and giggles just to have something to do and a new face to talk to as breathe by polluted breathe we slowly fall out of the eco system we were never meant to be figured in to in the first place. Different universes more polluted than this? More rational and radical yet less civil and uncontrolled?death is what one created by hand and mind. Suicide, not a choice but an only option for those who have fewer coping skills than issues?rigid blades mean more morphine. What is the point of this life if it causes pain and we cannot live happily in eternal bliss, an experiment that went wrong along the way and got so out of hand it could not be controlled so the creator just kind of pushed it off for a rainy day? If you put a fish in a tank and feed it day after day but don?t clean the tank, the fish is swimming in its own shit as do we?death is our antioxidant?
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jumbeled 9 Views 03/02/07
The best things in life are when people come in and out and leave special memories behind?people come, stay a while and eventually pass on but why is it that certain people can come in to the picture and leave such a significant mark and others just seem to quietly fade away? I finally met someone who I feel can play a significant role in my life even after I have been open about everything with him, yet at the same time I am afraid that I have been too open in decision making and may have scared him off? to give my lover the option to stay with me, a small insignificant victim to the game of life, or to go be free in this world and find a worthy significant other. The option has been left open; I cannot afford to fall as hard as quickly as I have before. I have no time to hit the bottom before I can pick myself back up and start anew. I have no time left, What if there is no bottom and I just keep falling and falling? I hate that sensation; never-ending torture of the mind, wondering if he will call back or I have been cut out of the picture completely? I don't think I will be falling anymore. I was very tempted to start using drugs a few weeks back. I've never really done anything like that...now that I think about it, it scares me. But, finally, I have a feeling that I have never felt before. You know the kind when you kiss someone you want so much more but you are afraid of pushing them away? When they touch you, it brings a sense of warmth and security and you can still feel their touch hours later. I don't know what happened to me but I think I have finally met that person, if it is not too late Yes, me, the girl that said it will never happen. I was put away though. Not to be overwhelming but is it possible to just be whelmed? Satisfied? Not satisfied, in fact, left wanting more, so much more...so eager to please yet so...I really hope this works. I'm going to close my eyes and jump into fairy book land where I never have to read his mind aloud again Yet the audacity of another parental figure not much older than myself who claims to watch my every breath as I die suffocating, reaching for one more gasp of air makes the oxygen I breath polluted with his hatred. Like a child yelling one more time daddy. Does he look into my blood shot eyes and feel the pain he has caused me? Raping and beating my soul night after night the morning seems to never come. My inner child begging me to end the torture yet the child that has come of me begs me to put up with it to help him through. Selfishly I swallow more pills backed by a warm southern comfort. Perhaps the only comfort I will feel on this endless night. I start to bleed again. I break out into a cold sweat as I am torn again. Nothing can be done. My phone will not ring with that comforting ?I love you? on the other end. I have no where to go, I have no one to hold me because I have nothing to show except the memories of what I once had. I wish, I wish, what?s done is done but to turn back that key just for one hour, to take beck that 30 seconds of humility?always wondering ?what if? how things would be so different. As the little hand reaches to me in hunger a tear runs down his cheek. I lift the child as he is ripped from my hands. My fear grows to the extent of no other. The cold wretched hand grabs my hair and it is ripped from my head. To the ground again, wondering if I will stand or this will be the end. Cloths ripped off of my trembling body as it happens again. The emptiness, the loneliness. To only be able to see the other side. To feel the warmth of sunlight on my cool fair skin that I felt so recently as he held me. To be able to breathe without asking permission?to live, to die.
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breath 13 Views 03/02/07
breathing blood Current mood: tired I?ve been looking in the mirror for so long. That I?ve come to believe my souls on the other side. Oh the little pieces falling, shatter. Shards of me, To sharp to put back together. To small to matter, But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces. If I try to touch him, And I bleed, I bleed, And I breathe, I breathe no more. Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well. Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child. Lie to me, Convince me that I?ve been sick forever. And all of this, Will make sense when I get better. I know the difference, Between myself and my reflection. I just can?t help but to wonder, Which of us do you love. So I bleed, I bleed, And I breathe, I breathe now... Bleed, I bleed, And I breathe, I breathe, I breathe- I breathe no more.
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Black on Black 45 Views 03/02/07
I need to step outside so the contrast of black on black might fade to gray sometime today or maybe it?s just a day away where the gray stains the acid rains that cause the pains you bring upon yourself and me why can?t you see I?m just trying to be me so let it be we?ll all die another day anyway so lets stay here right now and let me show you how to let me be me and set yourself free
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a 10 Views 03/02/07
Antisipation as the breeze reminds me of how deep you are in my soul. My heart longs for the joy of touching you again, of words not spoken but understood within. Time passes as I wait for us to reunite, to feel the passion that turns my darkness into light. Knowing that its coming soon dispells my heart of all gloom and holds the thought of love so near to never part or be in fear.
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affair 12 Views 03/02/07
I can be your princess, let her be the queen, she can wear the crown of glory as I lurk happily in the shadows. let her rule the universe, i just want your world, let her sing aloud for the world to hear, i just want YOU to be happy, let me whisper in your ear I don't need to call you my own, it wont change my point of view she can need the riches of the universe my treasure is the time i spend with you! You say i care to much, i dont know how to care too little, take the best of both worlds and find a happy median
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Your ex... 18 Views 03/02/07
So how do you feel about someone else dating your ex? I mean its a normal thing right? I'm sure everyone you've dated recently has had an ex... What do you do if that person is still emotionally attached??? It is so wrong to stalk people... If you ever loved your ex like you claimed you did, you would want them to be as happy as they could even if it wasn't with you, right? That's what I thought, so why do people stalk their ex's when they know all they ever do is fight with them and cause them pain? People need to learn to move on with their lives and quit all the bullshit drama! there are 2.8 billion people in this world, dont stress over one. Someone once told me it's better to have lost and loved than never loved at all. That is so true and I never realized it before. Let people be happy and don't stress, you only live once and you only have 100 years to live, for you deep emotional people think of it like this, if you saved a penny for every year you were alive you would have a dollar to buy a soda that would last you 20 minutes, if you saved a dollar for every year you were alive you would have enough to go to the movies and dinner which would last 5 hours... What's the point??? Just be happy with who you are and what you have!!!
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