It's what my name means and it's how I view myself.
Maybe I'm weird for being able to make the correlation between my personailty and some other animate creature. I just see myself as someone who flutters along from place to place, minding my own business and never staying for too long.
I find this to be true of me in some relationships as well. I stay only long enough to find the beauty in something, but then I move on. I'll always continue to revisit that beautiful place, but in order to preserve the beauty, I have to move on from it, only returning when I've forgotten JUST how beautiful it was in the first place.
I feel sooo free within myself, why should I be tied down to things that aren't pleasing to me?? The things that aren't pleasing are poisonous... ya know? Why should I be poisoned when I can flutter around sharing the beauty of all that is me? And I'm not even regarding my appearance. So I can be a little arrogant at times... but in my own defense... I'm a Gemini!! I can't help it!! LoL!!
I really don't know what I'm getting at here... it's 2:30a and my heart just feels weighed down. I usually just write until I'm able to get it out and figure out what it is... I have quite a few neverending blogs!!
Butterflies are symbolic to me. I like the idea of not being caught up. I like the idea of being able to move about as I please. I like the idea of only taking for myself what I need and nothing more.
Sometimes I feel like I live in a fantasy world... of my own creation. And really, I'm the only one here, but as I've come to realize... I'm not the only person who feels this way. I had lunch with a good friend today, in fact, we spent the day together. We celebrated the fact that we've known each other for three years and for the majority of it... our relationship has been strong. In a sisterly way, she feels like HOME. Whenever we hang out, that's when I feel the most comfortable. I can be who I truly am and not be judged. I wish it could be that way with everyone I encounter, but that's not reality. Who cares if I'm overweight or not? Who cares if I'm intelligent or not? Who cares if I'm pretty or not? Who cares how much money I make or don't make? At the end of the day, it only matters that I was good person and that's what makes ME feel good. I feel most beautiful when I'm doing something nice or helping someone else. That's my reality.
I feel like I'm completely in tune with myself. This has been the most difficult thing that I've worked to achieve in my lifetime. I know when I'm completely happy, I know when I'm faking happiness, I know when something is bothering (even when I don't know what it is), and I know these things early on... not just when it's aparent to everyone else. I know when to speak up and when some things are just better left unsaid. I know when to just smile and walk away... somthing that I find myself doing quite often. I realize I'll feel better about that decision in the long run. I almost feel... enlightened. I've actually been told that on quite a few occassions. That's a high compliment to me.
I don't feel weighed down by worldly issues, and I'm not saying that I'm not sensitive to the ongoings in the world... they just don't weigh me down. There's more to life than what we see on the front page of the news paper. LoL!! I'm under the impression that the newspaper was set up to only only give information, but to also insight fear!! I feel like media is an attempt to control what /how people think/feel!! Hey it works!! People are sucked into believing things they wouldn't necessarily have believed because of media. From my perspective... it's extremely entertaining. It's as though people forget that one day they're gonna die!! Nothing in this life goes with us! The only thing we'll have left is the same thing we were born with... our spirits. Why not nurture that?
A funny story... I was talking to a good friend of mine (12yr friendship) and she's become a completely different person. I LOVE her to death, but the girl is CRAZY!! She got upset with me because she felt as though I wasn't being sensitive to the fact that she was hurt by what some guy did to her. I had to call her out on the fact that she didn't want to hang out with me, instead she CHOSE to go be miserable about some guy who isn't going to change!! I invited her to lunch... my treat!! She declined. She told me that she wasn't hungry and that she'd already eaten... okay, let me back up a tad bit. She used to be a curvy girl. Not fat or overweight or anything, she had a really nice figure that men really liked. She was well proportioned. She lost a TON of weight. Now she's super skinny AND OBSESSED with jogging to keep the weight off. I don't judge her for wanting to change her appearance, but when she blows me off becuase she doesn't want to eat because she's afraid of gaining a pound... I'm thinking she's lost her dang mind!! Anywho, she told me that she'd eaten already. Then when she called me back to gripe about this guy, she let on to the fact that she actually ate when we'd gotten off of the phone a couple hours earlier. THEN to top it all off... she told me she had to go throw up a donut she'd just eaten!! LoL!! I couldn't help but laugh!! I told her I didn't know hwo she was anymore... I don't even think she knows anymore... she laughed too!! Who throws up donuts?? She's half my size and still concerned about her weight. I'm not a big girl either... I'm not super skinny, but I'm not fat. Media has gotten to her and she's lost herself to what society thinks she should be. I couldn't bear telling her that being bulemic is just as unhealthy as being overweight. She doesn't know that the stomach acid will completely DESTROY her teeth... I think to myself... poor thing!!
Again, I have my flaws... but I'm not weighed down by them. This is HUGE... and most people don't even know it. I'm ecstatic that I'm able to accept me for me and it doesn't matter to me what some else's opinion of me is... although, I am at times a hypocrite... I'm highly opinionated, I'm just now learning how to keep some of my opinions to myself!! LoL!! But I'm a better person for it...
I guess I'm tired now. I KNOW what's bothering me and I KNOW that it's in direct conflict with my own personal beliefs, but I have yet to speak up... perhaps part of me wants to get a feel for what really is, but that means that I'm second-guessing myself and I don't like that feeling. Perhaps another part me believes that I can incite change... I'm HUGE on wanting to right injustices for ALL people and ALL things, but I'm little ol' me and I'm content with touching the lives of the people who are fortunate enough to cross paths with me... (see what I mean about being arrogant??) LoL!!
Since most everyone likes the popularity contests, let's just put them all in ONE place!! This ought to be fun!!
***THE RULES (There HAS to be rules!) Nominate as many people as you want for each category. Nominations will close one week from today. When nominations end, the vote will begin!! When voting begins... vote ONLY once and for ONE person per category.
***JUDGING (Gotta keep it fair!) I get to be the judge because it's my blog!! AND because I truly believe I'm unbiased!! I will not be voting!! I'll tally the votes at the end.
***THE CATEGORIES (No, you may not add your own!)
*Least/Most Eligible Bachelor(ette) Most Sincere/Polite The Funniest The Bitchiest/Most Sexist The Sexiest Best/Worst Photo Best/Worst Blogs Best/Worst Advice The Most Attractive The Best Personality
These are the categories!!! They cannot and will not be changed!!
I've created one... It's a live chat. EVERYBODY is invited!! If you want the details... let me know. Keep in mind that I am NOT a paying member. If a paying member wants to help me get the word out... let me know!! We could have fun!!
I had a dream but I awoke before it was complete... in fact, it was just the beginning!!! So instead of just sharing the dream... I'd thought I'd make into a story that we could all participate in creating.
The rules: 1. Paragraphs... use them when you can... it'll help the reading go along more easily.
2. If you choose to use another member's name... DO NOT degrade or insult them.
3. I'm positive that more than one person will respond to any given ending. When this happens... the next person who responds can pick the ending that they like most and respond to that one. The ending that doesn't get used can be brought up later if someone chooses to use it... we can have multiple story lines!!
So now for the story!!
When I came home from work I did the things that I normally do. I sat my purse down, ran to the bathroom and yelled out to my lover that I was home. He usually responds, but this time he didn't. I didn't think anything of it, I just figured he couldn't hear me.
When I came from the bathroom I went to the kitchen to see if he was there... he was. His back was to me. I asked him if he'd heard me calling to him, he didn't respond. I walked around the kitchen table to face him. Had I done something wrong?
He sat there with this blank stare on his face. I asked him what was wrong... he still didn't respond. I began to get scared. I couldn't understand why he wasn't speaking to me. I touched his hand and asked him again if there was anything wrong.
It hit me like a bolt of lightning that he wasn't moving at all, not even to breathe. OMG!! I checked his pulse... there wasn't one. He was dead.
I immediately panicked. What had happened here?? I needed to calm down and pull myself together. I needed to call the police. Before I picked up the phone I assessed the scene. I noticed that there was an empty syringe that had fallen to the floor. "Don't touch it" I said to myself. Upon looking further, I also noticed a book sitting in front of him. I picked the book up to find out the title and that's when the tab of a soda can fell to the table. Bookmark perhaps? I couldn't say. I flipped through the pages to see if the tab had left a clue as to where it could've been in the book. The book looked as though it had never been read; so it was easy to find where the tab had been. On the particular page where the tab had been, an impression had been made by the tab around the word 'love.'
Finally I picked up the phone, ready to give the police as accurately as I could, details of the scene before they arrived. Something stopped me from calling the police though. Instead, the number that I dialed was that of Bonnie. She worked in healthcare, perhaps she knows someone who could find out the contents of the syringe for me.
After getting Bonnie on board to help, I grabbed a piece of tissue and carefully put the syringe in a plastic baggie. I went to put the plastic baggie in my purse so that I wouldn't forget it. On my way back to the kitchen my head filled with questions. Who would kill my lover and why? What if they're after me next? And what's love got to do with it?
I almost decided not to call the police altogether, but I couldn't very well leave a dead body sitting at my kitchen table. When I called the police, I pretended to be more panicky than I really was and I left out the part about the syringe. They said they were on their way.
So obviously, this comes about from reading StarFinder's blog...
How soon, if not upfront, should someone disclose their problematic medical history??
I have been in a similar situation, except I didn't know until 3yrs later that the person I was sleeping with had herpes. FORTUNATELY, he never had an outbreak until after we stopped sleeping together (which is why he told me) and I never got it. I know that I don't have it because of how frequently I visit the doctor/hospital.
I, myself, have a condition which requires me to be hospitalized on average twice a year. I'm not contagious or anything, but it's a lot to deal with... even for me. I've had this issue for as long as I can remember, but only started being hospitalized for it when I was 12yrs old... I'm 30 now. That's a long time!!
With the new guy that I'm dating, I told him about it on the first date, but I think only because it came up... don't remember how, but it did. Fortunately, he doesn't have an issue with me having less than perfect health... so far at least. He's actually intent on getting me healthier. Ha! Something just occurred to me... he remembered and I forgot that I told him!!
With other guys, perhaps I wouldn't have said anything so soon... I've dated some guys just as I was entering a weak phase. They didn't understand and thought I was just lazy when in actuality I just didn't have energy to do anything other than get up to use the bathroom... and that's only because I have to... getting up at times is extremely painful.
Often times I feel embarassed that my health isn't as up to par as it should be... living in a health-conscious society and all. Why should I feel embarassed?? This is the way God made me... I didn't contract any disease. And sometimes I would feel like I'm "less than" other people.
Over the years I've learned how to articulate to other's what goes on with me in a way that they'll understand. In fact, I've gotten so good at it that I make it sound as though it isn't even really a big deal when truthfully, I've been close to death on more than one occassion. I do this because I don't want to be treated any differently than I would be if I did have perfect health. You can't look at me and tell that I have health issues... I'm fortunate for that because people already judge waaay too much.
When it comes down to it, I really want someone who's going to be there for me when I'm weak. At one point, I lost 15lbs. in a matter of 2 to 3 weeks because I couldn't feed myself... I could put food in my mouth, but I couldn't get up to get it so I would go days without eating. Not that I want someone to wait on me hand and foot, but when it comes down to it.... when I get sick, that's what I need. I NEED someone to take care of me when I can't do it for myself. I don't know too many men who feel like they want to be needed... not in that way at least. I know it's a burden... it's still a burden to my family members even after all of these years. The only people I can count on to be there for me are my father and grandmother, but it's difficult for me to pull them away from their lives to help me tend to mine. Especially my grandmother... she has her own health issues.
So back to my original question... when is it a good time to tell someone about health issues?? Although, I've told the guy I'm dating and he's understanding, he hasn't gone through the rough part with me yet. And I probably wouldn't have told him had it not come up... not so soon at least. Actually, the more I think about it... I'm kinda glad that I've told him already. He's very caring and aware. He makes jokes about it, and then, suddenly I remember that I told him and we laugh together.
How does everyone else feel about this? How soon would you want to know about someone's problematic health? Would you date someone who has to be hospitalized often?? What if you're the one with the issue... how soon do you disclose the info about your health... or do you at all?
I feel as though if you ask for what you want... there isn't a reason why you shouldn't get it. The problem that most people have is recognizing it when it comes along.
The guy that I'm dating now made a statement to me saying that he really likes me but he can tell that I'm still exploring. I had to correct him by telling him that I know what I want (because I asked for him) and I also know when to stop looking... the grass isn't necessarily greener.
I don't know how true this is for other people, but when I speak out loud to someone the things that I want... that's exactly what I get. For example, a friend and I were having the stupidest conversation (we actually have those often!) and she made the comment that she wished people could hear the things we talk about... now we have our own show!! We have fans too!! LoL!! ***Please don't ask about the show!! LoL! It's the stupidest thing that one can possibly listen to... although many people find it highly entertaining.
Anywho... I've asked for a lot of things in my life. I feel like the ones that I'm most sincere about are the ones that I am rewarded with. I asked for peace and happiness in my life... now I have it.
I often find myself reminding my friends that they get the things that they ask for as well. I guess they complain because they don't REALLY know what they want because when they get them... they aren't satisfied.
I guess knowing what you want would be a huge part of it as well. Many people think they know what they want, but really don't...
I am back from Vegas... again!! I had an even more wonderful time than the last!!
I have to sing praises of my friend (yet again). I can't seem to say enough how wonderful he is!! His generosity began before we ever even stepped foot on the plane. I realized that a dress that I hd bought the day before we left was see-through and I didn't buy anything to wear under it. So we went to this little store in downtown Long Beach. I really only wanted to get what I went there for, but he encouraged me to buy more. He even picked out a few nice things for me to wear... they weren't trashy or anything!! LoL!! Iwas impressed! I only got a few things... I don't like to be thought of as materialistic.
Fortunately, the flight was a short one because I started feeling a little sick once we were in the air... there wasn't very much turbulance, but I guess enough to make me feel sick.
Once we got to Vegas, he picked up the car he'd rented... was upset that they gave him a Volvo when he asked for a Jag... LoL!! But he didn't complain... he was good sport about it. We didn't use the car that much anyway.
We stayed at Wynn. He decided that he likes the suites at Mandalay Bay much better... but the view from the 60th (the top) floor was nothing short of beautiful... if you can overlook the constuction to the Venetian!! I most certainly didn't complain... in fact, I wish I had art supplies with me. The view of the mountains was nothing short of gorgeous.
Anywho... we didn't gamble right away. We stayed in the room for a little while... and then we went to the mall because I needed something that I forgot to pack!! While I'm fully capable of paying for the things that I need and/or want... he again payed for them for me. I think he was trying to get on my good side!! LoL!
When we got back... we gambled. I played slots... lost $200 in like 20 mins... all while he was losing at Blackjack and he's actually quite skilled at it. I learned a few things about playing blackjack.
After he'd decided that he'd lost enough... we went to dinner at this fabulous Italian restaurant. We had scallops that literally melted in our mouths when we ate them. And I also had (for the third time in one week) seafood pasta. But this was the best seafood pasta that I've ever had in my life!! I was sad that I couldn't eat it all! LoL!! Bartolotto... the best thing about Wynn!! We called it a night after dinner.
The next morning we had brunch before going to meet his friend/client. Before we left though... he wanted to play more blackjack... or rather lose more money at blackjack!! So I played roulette... I won back the money that I lost and then gave it back to him to go towards the money that he was continuing to lose at blackjack!! Finally, we left to go meet his friend at the Golden Nugget... while we were waiting... he wanted me to play blackjack with him... I did... I won while he was continuing to lose!! LoL! Then I played roulette... won at that as well. And then when he sat a different blackjack table... he decided that I was his good luck charm because he noticed that he's win more whenever I was sitting next to him!! That was a nice thing for him to say to me.
When we went back to Wynn, he sent me to the spa to get a massage. I knew that I really needed it, but it was EXTREMELY painful. It was unbelieveable how tense I was. I almost started to cry it hurt so much. But I sucked it up and decided that the benefits of the pain would be well worth it when it was all over with... and I was right.
While I was getting my massage he was doing... guess?? Right!! Losing more money at the blackjack table!! He wasn't in the room when I came back. We agreed that I would order room service for the two of us because we didn't have time to go to a restaurant... I felt like it was my turn to impress him. He told me what he wanted, but he only told me the basics, no details... like how he wanted his burger cooked, what side he wanted with it and what kind of cheese... When the food came... he noticed that I ordered it the exact way he would've ordered it!! So I did a good thing... not that it took a rocket scientist to figure it out, but it showed that I pay attention to him.
After we ate... he took me to the Mary J. Blige concert... for those who don't know... she's HUGE in R&B. We had excellent floor seats. I am personally, not the hugest fam of MJB... as someone who studies music, I don't think she sings all that well; however, her concert was enjoyable. A lot of her songs brought back memories of when I was a teenager... my best friend and I used to time how long it would take us to get to one place from another by singing songs... on the bus!! LoL!! And at the time, we sang a lot of MJB songs!! So good feelings did come up for me.
Actually, the thing that made the concert enjoyable for me was that even though she isn't the best singer in the world... she has a lot of passion and it comes through in her music... especially when seeing it live. At times she made me want to cry with the things that she'd say. And not only that, singing is difficult... I admire that with all of her critics... she still gets up there to do her thing and it doesn't matter what others think or say... that's truly admirable. After the concert we called it a night...
As all good things must come to an end, it was time for me to return to my world... but nit before more gambling!! I played more roulette... I was winning, but then I started losing... so I stopped when I broke even... Then we went to a Mexican buffet for brunch and then we came home!!
I had the greatest time ever!! I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman... all except, quite contrary to popular belief, being a prostitute!!
I think he's the one I want to be with. He's under the impression that I'm still exploring, but honestly... he's what I asked for. I'd be a fool to not recognize what I've been given or even to continue to search for more.
Okay, and to answer the question of whether I met him here or not.... the answer is NO!! LoL!! He found me on another site.
And one last thing... I haven't been ignoring the posts to my other blogs, I haven't had an internet connection. Stupid Wynn didn't have a wireless connection and no cable in the room to connect to the net.
I went out with my friend again... this time for dinner. I'm still amazed by how much of a gentleman he remains. I was starting to believe that gentle men didn't really exist anymore.
This time we went to King's Fish House. The portions were big... I didnt finish my food!! What I love about him is that when the waitress comes with the "to go" box, he takes care of everything for me. He opens doors for me, he holds my hand when we walk down the street, and the best part of all... he walked me to my door and didn't even try to force his way in!! He kissed me right there and we called it a night.
The smallest, most simple things are the things that catch my attention. He's very consistent; so I don't think he's putting up a front either. I think he's genuinely a good guy which is good for me.
When I started dating again I wasn't really looking for anything long term, but now, I feel like he's the one that I could possibly be with... which is why I gave him the number 2 spot on my cell phone's speed dial (voicemail is 1)!!
Already I'm supposed to meet his friends when we go to Vegas this weekend. Part of me feels like this is moving really fast, but I honestly want things to just happen the way that they will; so I won't do anything to sabotage myself!!
This is soooo ridiculous. I went to CompUSA today to upgrade my laptop. I bought a new harddrive and new software to install on the harddrive. The software was already overly priced, but then they wanted to charge me $110 EXTRA to change the harddrive out and install the software!!! Is that nuts or what??? AND PEOPLE PAY THIS!!!
Why do large companies feel the need to take advantage of people who can't do something of this nature for themselves?? The combined total of the products and service would have bought me a new laptop!!
I felt a need to stand up for myself... I told them to take their service and shove it!! LoL... okay, not in those exact words. The kids that were working there looked at me like I was crazy!! I guess they didn't understand that it's excessive to pay someone as much as they were chaging to take out a few screws to replace the harddrive (which I had already done previously), and to stick a CDRom in the disk drive! The program loads itself!! You don't even have to be there!! In fact, I wasn't... I left and when I came home it was all ready for me!!
Don't get me wrong... I understand that not all people are capable, but do they have to be penalized for it??
So the blog by RedHighHeels has me thinking. How do you feel you relate to your sign?? Do you feel like it matters or maybe it doesn't matter at all.
I'm very much into astrology... I don't think it rules my life, but I've certainly learned a lot about myself. I've learned why I have certain attitudes towards certain things, why I think a certain way, why I act a certain way, etc.
I have this one book, "Sextrology" that really hits the nail on the head. It's not all about sex, as one would initially assume, but it breaks down astrology to the sexes. Men and women ARE different, and we actually behave differently even though we may be influenced by the same sign. The book does go into sexual attitudes, but there's a lot more to it than just that.
With me being born on a cusp (6/21), I'm blessed or maybe cursed, with having two signs. Sometimes I can clearly point out which aspects of my personality belong to which sign... sometimes it's freaky!!
For me, knowing how to interpret these things has helped me resolve a lot of turmoil in my life regarding who and why I am. I've learned how to balance the three aspects of who I am so that I don't fall into deep depressions... which I have been in before.
I don't believe that I'm ruled by astrology, but I certainly cannot discredit all the positive things that have come from learning about it and myself. It's also helped with me learning of other people; however, that isn't as important. it helps, but it isn't that important.
Sometimes I feel as though I'm a mystical being!! Crazy right... trust me I know!! But when it comes down to it... from an astrological perspective... it all makes sense!!
Anywho... I guess this is just ONE of my personality quirks. Anyone else feel similar about their sign??
Today, I am a happy girl!! Good things have happened and I can only pray that they continue.
I got a package in the mail this morning from the mother of one of my best friends. She sent me books and a letter. Along with the letter was a check for a large sum of money. She told me that I was deserving of it... it made me cry. If ever in life I've felt like I needed validation... this would be it. It wasn't the money that got to me... it was the words in her letter. In my struggle that I consider life, she's always been there for me like a second mother. She let me know that she thinks of me as her other daughter. That meant a lot.
I also went on a date today!! I'm really excited about what lies ahead for us, but I don't want to get my hopes up.
We went to Gladstones for lunch and then to a movie. One of the things that I enjoyed most was that he wanted to pick me from my house... not meet me somewhere. AND the fact that we met in the daytime says a lot to me as well!!
Already we've made plans for next weekend. He wants to take me to Vegas. And the following weekend (I think) he wants me to go with him to a game in San Diego. I agreed to that as well.
I'm thankful for every person who comes in and out of my life... I think I've learned lessons from them all, but I feel blessed with the ones who are still here.
More people should be thankful for what and who they have in their lives... the world would be a better place.
I must say that in the week that I've been on this site... I've learned more about being on the internet than I have in the past few years!!
I feel like I have been naive up unitl this point. I've learned how to spot TROLLS, what women think men want, that as comfortable as I may be with myself and my sexuality... not everyone else will be as accepting and understanding, and many other things!!
People-watching has always been one of my favorite pasttimes... but this gives it a whole new twist!! I gotta tell ya... this is more entertaining than my daytime soap operas!!
I've never been married; so I am unable to relate to what a friend is going through.
I have a friend who is married with 3 children and she cheats on her husband. Up until recently, I've always though her husband to be a good man and she should have respected him more, but I've always been an outsider looking in.
She would tell me how she wasn't getting the things that she needed from her marriage... I don't remember what her excuse was a couple of years ago, but now, it's because the sex isn't fulfilling.
She goes out to meet new guys (mostly when she's with me... so I get blamed) to to help compensate for what's lacking in the marriage. Our friendship has actually suffered because of this.
Some of the guys that she meets, she falls in love with and starts obsessing over. When things don't work out with the extra marital relationship... I'm the one she comes to for help with picking up the pieces. She'll ask me what she should do about the extra marital affair and my advice is ALWAYS the same... either be with your husband or leave him!!
I understand that with 3 kids and no job... it would be a struggle for her to leave her husband. She's completely dependent upon him... but if there's a will there's a way... am I wrong?
So anyways, she met this guy and the first time they spoke over the phone... he asked her when they were going to have sex. She got offended by that. But what does she expect?? I thought that was the most hilarious thing ever!! She got upset with me and told me that I don't understand. And she's right... I don't understand, especially because she acts like she's holier than thou because she attends church regularly. AND because when she thought he cheated on her... she was devastated!!
I'm wondering whatever happened to the sanctity of marriage?? I'm realizing that marriages have ups and downs as with any relationship... friendships included. Am I being naive in thinking that I should uphold values that perhaps no longer exist? I mean, a lot of my friends think my outlook on marriage is strange, but I just can't get with the whole deceit thing. I'd much rather mind my own business, but she won't allow me... even when I tell her that I'm probably not the person for her to talk to about it... then she runs guilt trips on me cuz she says that no one ever listens to her and I'm her only friend... blah, blah, blah!! I think of all my friends... she's the only one who knows and takes advantage of the fact that I'm a sucker for my friendships and people in need and she's the combination of both!!! But that's another topic...
I know I can't make her value marriage the way I do... but I really wish she would at the very least... get some values of her own!!
Came someone please tell me what the deal is with internet drama?? I don't understand why people can't allow others to be who they are... or aren't for that matter... over the internet!! Why is there such a concern with what some people blog about or what they do in their personal lives ... and then blog about??
I get that if you blog your personal life, you're gonna be subjected to criticisms, but why do people always have to stick they're negative opinions everywhere?? And then to top it off... they'll say that nobody wants to read what that person has written or blah, blah, blah... when in fact, they themselves had to read the whole blog just to reply!! If nobody was REALLY interested... those blogs wouldn't have so many views!!
I mean seriously... the internet drama is sooooooooooo high school!!
I'm going to Vegas and I'm excited because I always win!! I don't think that I'm lucky. I just think that I'm rewarded for my good deeds.
I admire people who stop to help other people in need. I'm sure homeless people didn't aspire to be that way. Who am I to judge an individual less fortunate than myself?? Not anybody really...
So I believe that we pay into our accolades... In the past week, I've lost soooo many valueable things, including my wallet with my ID and credit cards. All of those things were returned to me. And sometimes I wonder if I'm just lucky... but no. I don't think I am. I just truly believe in karma... do some good, good happens to you... do some bad, and well... you know!!
I don't do good deeds to be rewarded either. I do them because when I'm dead and gone from this earth, I want to be remembered as someone who cared a lot for other people and sometimes more than myself.
Anywho... I'll be in Vegas winning money for the next couple of days!! Oh yeah, and I'm supposed to meet this guy that I met on another site a while back. He's interesting; so I'm excited!!
So I went on a date with an ex the other day... we had a really enjoyable time. We did simple things ... We went to Starbucks, walked around the city, went to a movie, and then dinner at a mediteranean restaurant. We shared a lot of laughs, some meaningful conversation, and conversation about absolutely nothing. We even had an argument about eyedrops that he gave me and how they weren't supposed to burn my eyes...
When I think of what I want when it comes to a partner... he IS the one... EXCEPT for all of his neuroses/psychoses!! LoL!! I accepted him and loved him even with all of his "self-realized" mental issues that caused him to push me away. For three very long years, I endured him holdim g me hostage. He would show me that he loved me, but e would tell me that we could never "really" be together. He would always try to let me down ever so gently even though we both knew he needed me to love him... which was why I stayed. Sometimes I think he took advantage of the fact that I like to believe in the inherent goodness of all people and that I would never leave him if he needed me. His boyish charm didn't hurt either!!
Finally, this summer I let go... not of our friendship or even the love that I have for him, but the desire to want to be with him. I really feel freer, but I can't deny, the times that left me with good memories... were REALLY good!! They still make me smile.
So now that I'm not being held hostage anymore I'm finding that I want what I had/have with him... a great friendship with someone I love. I'm successful in that I have cultivated many friendships with an eclectic group of people. These friendships have endured not only time, but but a few ups and downs as well... some of them minor and some major. Why can't love relationships be as lasting as friendships?
Is it too much to ask for someone like me to have a little romance in my life?
I'm a black woman who dates older white men... I usually don't do dating sites, but something in the last month or two has compelled me to put up profiles all over the interent!! Why? Because I'm interestied in meeting someone who wants to get to know me for who I am and not just what I look like. AND because I'm not one for meeting people in bars or the such.
So far my online experience has been less than pleasureable. I've been meeting guys that either only want to have sex the minute they meet me, or are really too busy to meet anyway. Do I look like a whore?? <--rhetoric. I actually have brains in this pretty little head of mine!!! I mean, sure my pics are a lil provacative, but there's nothing over the top and I'm fully clothed!
Maybe I'm just being impatient... but I honestly don't see myself doing this online dating thing for very much longer...
I'm trying not to be that person who is so consumed with negativity about dating sites that you wonder why the (explicative) they're on the site in the first place...
I'm really enjoying the peace in my life. This is sooo new to me. I've let all of the negativity go and the people who are consumed by it as well. My friends list is sooo much shorter than it was before!!
I'm trying... I mean really trying to keep the negativity away. I've actually been amazingly successful, but for a while my dog really was my best friend.