Like far too many others in here lately, my New Year's not starting out very well in the relationship department. James sent an email to me on New Year's Day to break up with me. The distance between us (a whopping 40 miles) is more than he's willing to drive anymore. He's already got two kids, so my child and I would be too much of a financial burden on him if we ever got married (this from a guy who claimed in his profile to make $75,000-$100,000). His parents are wealthy, and would croak if they ever found out he dated someone like me, whatever that's supposed to mean. Plus all the usual B.S. stuff a guy says when he wants to dump someone, but can't honestly say that she did anything wrong to deserve it.
"I have never met anyone as kind and as sweet as you."
"I don't want to be hurt by anyone."
"I just don't have the feelings for you. I can't explain why, I just don't."
"You are a super person and you'd make any guy a fine girlfriend or wife. You have been super to me, and I am the one who is coming up short."
And so, inspired by Michael's response in the "proper etiquette when being stood up" blog, I wrote the following, not really intending to ever send it, but hey, it sure was fun writing it and THINKING about sending it.
You're wrong. I wasn't as super to you as you think I was. The day before the first time I was intimate with you, I was in bed with my previous bf, Mark. You were taking way too long to make a move, and frankly, I've got needs. How embarrassing for me to find out only after we were over that I was the first woman you'd had sex with in over a year, and that you actually thought we did it too soon. I thought you were taking it really slow because you weren't all that attracted to me or were already getting it somewhere else, and so I was making a 'pre-emptive strike.' Whoops, my bad. Though seeing how it all turned out, I guess I was right not to--to paraphrase Dorothy Parker--"put all my eggs in one bastard."
And don't worry too much about me. Sure, I cried a little, but then I thought of how neither of us ever would have moved to be with the other person anyway, so this was probably doomed from the start. Well, that, and what a pathetic little winky you had. Then I called Mark and told him I was having a 'personal life setback' and needed to see him. He was in Kansas visiting his sister, so he didn't get my messages until the next day, but on the 2nd, he got them and came over. I thought I'd be venting about you to him, but a funny thing happened instead. Five minutes alone with him, and I was thinking, 'James Who?'
We took a bubble bath together, then we went to my bedroom and I gave him a massage, and then, oh well, you can probably figure out the rest. Now he's suggesting that I find an apartment in his complex so we can see each other more.
So it looks like in the end, my grieving over you lasted about as long as a 24-hour-bug, so I'll be fine. Goodbye, and have a nice life.
1. My son turns 10 years old today, and is still alive and well, and in no way, a juvenile delinquent.
2. I started dating a guy named James that I met on Space the first week of November, and we're still together. He's also a genuinely decent guy, and has put any fears of mine to rest as far as my wondering if I only attract or am attracted to jerks, because he's definitely NOT one.
And possibly best of all...
3. After almost two years without a vehicle, I finally have one again, and my son and I are standing in front of it in the picture. It's a 1988 Chevrolet Blazer that used to belong to my previous bf of eighteen months, Mark. I have to speak nice of him now, because I couldn't come up with as much as he'd wanted for it ($1700), because nobody would give me a loan due to insufficient credit. He let me pay him $700 of it of front, and then co-signed on a loan with me for the other $1000. The loan officially went through this Monday, and I paid him the $700 and he transferred the title over then, though I'd been driving it since that Thursday evening. Merry Christmas to ME!!
...and all anyone can see is my completely clothed body and the back of my head. I didn't even see this edition the day it came out. It came out on Halloween, and I didn't hear about it until November 3. A customer that knew what I looked like and what my bicycle looked like figured that had to have been me, and kept her copy of it to give to me.
The text under it said, "Framed by fall foliage, a cyclist takes advantage of Monday's warmer weather on the bike trail along Tucker Creek."
"Takes advantage of." Yeah right, like I had a choice. Of course, whoever was in the park snapping pictures that day couldn't have even known my name (that's why I'm only identified as "a cyclist"), much less my circumstances.
And thus goeth my one and only time on the front page of the local paper. I'll probably never make one again, unless I go on a shooting spree. I can just imagine THAT headline. "Wal-Mart associate goes postal."
Mostly I'm shocked that it lasted as long as it did. They were practically the poster couple for why women should never "marry down," at least not without a pre-nup in place.
She filed for divorce, and wanted custody of the kids, but was okay with Kevin having visitation. Now he's countersuing for sole custody and spousal support. I suspect he doesn't even really WANT them, considering how much he was out partying while she was taking care of them. She'll probably end up having to give him a huge payoff just to go away, even if there was a pre-nup.
On the other hand, I heard she's "waived her right to spousal support." Well, sure, you can't get something from nothing!
I can just see it now. His new rap name will be Fed-Ex. And I'm sure with his natural talent and determination, he'll have no trouble carving himself a place in the music industry without riding on Britney's coattails. (coughs--Did I actually type that with a straight face?)
This is from page 141 of the book "Idiots in Love: Chronicles of Romantic Stupidity," edited by Leland Gregory. I figured everybody here with internet dating horror stories would appreciate knowing that it could have been worse. If you've actually got a story even scarier than this one, THAT I've got to hear!
A CLASH OF CULTURES
An Englishman flew all the way to Ladson, South Carolina, to meet and marry a woman with whom he had had a hot Internet romance. When the twenty-seven-year-old arrived, he was surprised to actually meet his future bride, sixty-five-year-old Wynema Faye Shumate. The Englishman was disappointed, to say the least, as Wynema had portrayed herself online as a thirtysomething-year-old. According to police, when the Englishman asked the woman if there was anything else she hadn't told him, she said there was one little thing--she had a carved-up human body in her freezer. It was the corpse of a former housemate who had died of natural causes (I suppose the carving part came in when she tried to get the man's body to fit into the freezer). The woman was charged on two counts of mishandling a dead body, but was cleared of any wrongdoing in the man's death. The Englishman decided to cancel the wedding.
I work in retail, go to a local health club, and until my vehicle broke down, I was fairly active on the local karaoke circuit. If anyone who's browsing at online dating profiles lives in the same area as me, there's a good chance they'll recognize me from one of those places.
It's not THAT scary if they merely strike up a conversation if they run into me by accident IRL, wondering if I was still looking, etc. It does kind of get pretty close to stalkerish though when some guy who replied to my profile and didn't get a reply back actually goes to the trouble of tracking me down and showing up at one of those places (usually my workplace, where I obviously can't easily get away from him) and asking why I didn't write him back. Especially when the guy lived over 30 miles away from me and had to have made a special trip just to do that. What kind of answer do these men actually think they're going to get when they do something that creepy?
Has anybody else in here had something similar happen?
Or at least one where the person had a very tongue-in-cheek sense of humor. Though it actually does kind of sound like people we've all run into...
"OK. let's get serious. I recently graduated from prison where I was incarcerated for the last 24 years having killed 3 of my ex-wives, and burying them in the local club garden. Although I have monthly commitments to stand before my parole officer, I still have time to go out with the ladies when I'm not out on my minimum wage job giving out ice cream sandwiches to the neighborhood rug rats. (here little girl, wanna free ice cream?) I am easy to recognize having managed to save one of my green stained toofs. I live with 10 of my inbred cousins who share my 8 x 10 mobile home bedroom with. But, I am sure we can make room for you if you find yourself in that frisky type mood from time to time. I love to go out to dinner when my partner gets her paycheck, and I'm usually able to put out for a couple gallons of gas when she comes to pick me up. So if you feel like you're my type, I'll be more than happy to meet you at the nearest beer bar for a six pack or two. :D So get your butt in gear and give me a hollar, I'll get back to ya as I work my way down this list of potential victims."
This is actually my first blog entry outside of comments on other people's blogs, so I figured I begin with a subject very personal to me.
I realize that I can't speak for all Asian women and that some of the things mentioned below are merely MY personal pet peeves, but just from communicating with OTHER Asian women, the same things often happen to them as well, so I'll try to give it my best shot.
I think it's great when one of you guys is willing to give us a chance, since so many others would rule us out on sight based on race, but it's one thing to have a wide variety of tastes that allows for many different kinds of women to be atttractive to you. It's another to target us like a hunter or serial killer does their prey. The ones who go out of their way to say, "I wrote to you because you're Asian!" or anything similar quite honestly creep me out. I'm wondering if they're operating under some fetish or stereotype instead of seeing me as a real person. Stick to pointing out OTHER things in her profile that appealed to you, like similar hobbies/interests, how intelligently it was written, etc. And don't bash white, black, Hispanic, etc. women in the process of saying why you like Asian women, because most, of not all of us are friends with some.
If her profile mentions a specific nationality, don't beat that into the ground either. I've lost track of how many idiotic replies I've gotten where the guy said something like, "You're Filipino. Wow, if we were dating, that means you could cook me alumpia and adobo!" Nope, it means I had parents that were Filipino, but that's about ALL it means. I've never have fixed either of those dishes, and if you want them so bad, go buy a cookbook or look up the recipes on the Internet and cook them yourself.
If you're on one of these sites where you have the option of listing the names of the groups you belong to on your profile, do so, and the LEAST offensive sounding one is "Naked Azns" or whatever, please don't write me. Though if you do, I appreciate your honesty in posting them so I can know from the very start that you're a perv who's just after one thing.
If you're talking to one in person, please don't say as if in shock, "You speak English so well!" and think she's going to take it as a compliment. Some of us were born and raised here, so what the heck else do you think we're going to be speaking? I keep going back to what Chris Rock said about white people saying about Colin Powell, "He speaks so well." "Speaks so well is NOT a compliment! Speaks so well is what they say about retarded people that can talk."
By the same token, if you've actually picked up a little bit of one or more Asian languages, unless you're 100% positive of the specific ethnicity of the Asian woman you're trying to talk to, please don't use them as your initial greeting and think it's going to impress them. Most of the time, you'll have guessed it wrong, and will--such as in my case--be using Chinese, Japanese, Thai, etc. on someone that's Filipino and so has no reason to know any of those. Even more likely, the woman will be one of those Asians who was born or raised in the United States, is as white on the inside as you are, and so may only know English anyway.
Everytime I have something like THAT happen to me, I keep thinking of all the Chinese baby girls who were adopted by white American couples and imagine, "THIS is what they've got to look forward to. I feel their pain already!"