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What in the World?!
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334 Views
08/06/10
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Okay, this really upset me. I just got a letter from my landlord today that My Germany flag and 2 Signs that say 'Hamburg' and 'Berlin' need to be removed from my window!
When has it become wrong to put up something you like that is not offensive? None of them have offensive languages on them at all! I put them up because it is my favorite country and because I like to decorate with things I like.
Someone tell me why my neighbors are allowed to have signs up that says 'Welcome' or other decorative items. They also put up American flags, and none of them get griped at. Yet, the moment I put up my Germany items I get in trouble!
This makes no sense to me and it makes me mad that I am not allowed the same freedom of expression for my own tastes that everyone else is allowed here. So sue me if I am different and do not like the same things everyone else here does. So sue me if I am different and have no problems showing it. Why are they that bothered that my interests lies in foreign countires and cultures? Just because none of them are interested in it does not mean they have any right to deny me mine.
Ugh just let me have my freedom to express my interests as long as I continue to not bother anyone. I never mess with people here, I do not talk to anyone here...... but this time I am sick of letting it roll off my back. I am tired of people thinking that just because I smile and do not join in their drama that it means I am an easy target. I may be a pacifist and I may avoid drama, but that does not mean that if I am pushed far enough that I will not make things difficult. Quite frankly, I am thisclose to letting them see how difficult I can be... yet, there is a part of me that does not want to bother because they are not worth wasting time on.
Maybe I should just continue to sit back, grin and bear it, and when I get the first opportunity to get out of here then they can kiss my derriere goodbye. Screw this town and this state. I hate it here.
Sorry for the rant, but it really got to me today. Sometimes it helps me to get it off of my chest. Sometimes just talking, people listening, or advice can help me to see my way clearly. I really do not want any drama, but at the same time I do not want them to think I am a pushover.
Any idea how to handle this?
Also, can anyone tell me why people have to bother the one person who is different and does not follow what everyone else is doing? Why bother the one person who has no qualms about being different and proud enough of it to show it?
I hate that people keep trying to get me to follow their conformist ways... to follow their idea on how I should be. Excuse me, no thanks, I prefer to not follow the flock like lost, stupid sheep. I do not want to be someone who is nothing but a humanoid version of a robot where everything is automatic and the same. Psshh screw that. I may not like everything they like, but they have no right to tell me that I am wrong just because I do not want to share their beliefs or ways. It does not make me wrong to do what I love to do. I do not complain to them for liking what they do or for believing what they do. I just let them be and respect the fact they are different, even though I do not want to be like them.
Any advice or opinions will be greatly appreciated. I feel sort of torn on what to do about it. I do not want to start anything that will get me kicked out or cause animosity between myelf and people in this complex, but I also do not want them to think they can shove me around.
Eccentrically Yours,
Lynn
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Fear. It Is Always Fear.
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82 Views
07/29/10
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Don't you hate how afraid we are?
No, not of the dark.
And no, not of heights.
And no, not even of spiders.
I mean of... well, everything.
Every little thing we do, we are always afraid. We do not always notice it, but we are. We watch our words, afraid of offending someone or saying something that might cause someone's opinion of us to change, even if only by a tiny little bit. We are constantly biting our tongues to keep from saying the wrong thing, the wrong words.
We are always walking on our tiptoes, watching our thoughts, and biting our tongues.
We are scared.
We are always scared.
Scared to say or do the wrong thing.
Scared of rejection.
Scared of offending someone.
Scared of letting someone see the real you.
Aren't we taught to grow up and overcome our fears? Don't they, our teachers, parents, and relatives, teach us to not be scared? Then why are we stuck in this state of constant fear? It is hypocritical, too. They teach us that we should not be afraid, that we should see the light past our fears, and all the while they are sitting there in the corner, shaking in their boots over saying something wrong, not living up to expectations, or screwing up.
I think that is the biggest fear of all, screwing up.
But "screwing up" covers so much. There is so much we can screw up. We can screw up something as minor as a quiz and as major as someone's life. But I think we are all afraid of simply appearing as a screw up in the eyes of someone we hold near and dear. Losing respect, we always fear. We want respect nearly as much as we want love.
Love.
That is another big fear isn't it?
The fear of losing love.
The fear of falling in love.
The fear of never finding love.
There is always something to fear in the game of love. "Am I doing something wrong? What if they do not like me? What is wrong with me? I wonder if they do like me? I hate being alone. Will I always be alone? I do not want to be like this, alone, forever. I could not take that. I cannot take this. I will never find love, I know it. Maybe love is not meant for me. I am just another helpless case…"
Once we learn the word and notion of love, isn't it practically always in our mind somewhere? In some manner or another, I mean? And from that notion stems all of these fears that multiply every day…
… or maybe that's just me…
Anyway, I hate how afraid we all are.
We bottle up so much. So many feelings are hidden and kept secret forever, swept under a rug in our minds and left there for eternity. The honest words are usually the ones swept away to save us from screwing up, and the false words always tend to prevail.
It is sad, isn't it?
Shouldn't it be the other way around?
I think it should.
I am not scared enough to keep from saying all that lol.
Eccentrically Yours,
Lynn
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Hopeless Romantic *Le Sigh*
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90 Views
07/28/10
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Sometimes I’m completely all right with being single and then there’re other times when I want to curl into a ball and cry in my own self-misery.
There are times when I just feel so incredibly alone that all I long for is a pair of arms to wrap around me.
Or when I just want someone to hold me and tell me that life’s going to be okay, and I mean someone other than my own family.
But it’s weird.
I tell myself not to worry so much, I mean, I’m still young.
I have time to deal with love and all the glorious things that go with it; I shouldn’t be worrying like this.
I shouldn’t feel like crying myself to sleep sometimes because I’m afraid I won’t ever get the chance to experience real love like I see out on the streets, or the type of love I see old couples sharing. Seriously, I want to cry when I see an older couple, where they’re both in their 80s and they’re still so in love. It’s crazy! Think how long they’ve been together; think how much they’ve gone through with one another; think how many fights they’ve had, but think how many times they’ve made up and gotten through the tough times.
I want a love like that, a true, real love that’s so deep that we’ll be together until we’re old cripples in a nursing home.
I want someone to grow old with, someone to help me through all the hard times and someone to laugh with me through all the good times. Someone to let me help them and laugh with them as well. Someone who completes me, but does not define me.
If I mention this to someone like my aunt, she takes the 'mother’s oath' and assures me that I’ll find happiness later. She tells me that love will come to me, but when the time is right.
Forget that, it’s not always like that!
Look where many people are, they're divorced, and haven't found true love on their own. So, how can I?
And yet my aunt has the nerve to tell me not to worry, because everything will fall into place for me when I’m older.
When I’m older.
Screw that, I don’t want to wait until then.
What if it doesn’t fall into place, what if it all comes crashing down around me?
I’m sure it could.
I have four really close friends as it is, and that’s a near miracle. Considering I have a hard time letting people truly get past my walls.
People say I’m a freak of nature all because they think I think weird or have too many out there thoughts or because I am so blunt that they do not want to hear truth.
In school people thought I dressed weird or was strange because I hung out with many different -very different- people from different groups. Jocks, skaters, punks, goths - see, very different.
If kids at my own school didn’t even understand me, then how are people out in the 'real world' supposed to understand me?
How am I supposed to be reassured that one person out there in the huge world will look through the crowd, catch me, and understand me enough so that they’ll even fall in love with me?
What are my chances?
There’re like 6.6 billion people in the world, and I’m supposed to be reassured that one of those 6.6 billion people will understand me.
That really narrows it down for me, doesn’t it?
I wish I could skip ahead in life, or get a sneak preview just to know if things end up well or not, and then maybe I’d be able to fall asleep at night without worrying about where I’ll be in the future.
I’m scared of what the future holds for me, in terms of love especially.
I couldn’t care less if I’ll be living in a mansion or a shack out in the middle of the woods with no running water. All I want to know is whose face I’ll roll over to see in bed every morning for the rest of my life. All I want to know is who that one person is that I'm meant to be with.
But wishing won’t work, I know that much. There’s no genie in a bottle, so I’m out of luck.
I just… I don’t know…
Am I the only one who feels like this?
And at this age?
*sighs* Sorry to rant like this... I just wanted to talk about what is on my mind.
Eccentrically Yours,
Lynn
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This Kills Me!
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112 Views
07/24/10
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I just recently watched a movie based on a partially true story that was a book first. It is called 'Martian Child'. It is about a boy who was abandoned and abused and is in a foster care system. In order to be able to deal and cope with the emotional pain of the things he had suffered at a young age, the boy would pretend he was a martian and I think truly beleived he was one.
Some people my not like the movie, some people may. To me it was heartwrenching. Knowing that a child feels so out of place and so different than those around him that he feels alienated and unable to be accepted. Yes, the boy in the movie is based on a real life boy.
so I looked up the Children's Bureau of the Department of Health and Human Services and the statistics show that in 2008 68,000 children were never adopted in that year in America alone. Imagine how many around the world never get adopted each year.
It breaks my heart that children have to go through the stuff that adults put them through, and then never get adopted. They probably think they are not worthy of being loved when that is not true at all. I sat here and cried and cried and cried for a good hour..In fact I am starting to tear up again as I write this. I wish I could adopt all thosechildren who need a home and love. Children are so precious, they hold the future in their hands and their minds, I adore the way they ask things so bluntly and are so curious, I love how their minds work.
I do not understand why people can hurt children as they do and not have an ounce of remorse for it. How can a person look at a child and not want to love him or her with all their hearts? I look at my daughter and I feel like I could die from exploding with all the love for her that I have. I look at her and she is my world, my everything, and all that runs through my veins and everything that I am would not be complete without her....so how can a parent not feel that and end up doing things to their kids that has them placed in foster care?
Ugh it really really really kills me so badly that I cannot do something to help all of these children. I do understand a lot of what they have gone through because I am a survivor of an abusive and traumatic childhood-early adulthood. I understand what it is like to question being worthy of love.
*sighs and shakes head*
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The Indian and the Eagle
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63 Views
07/20/10
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I wrote this one some time ago, very few have ever read it, but I wanted to share it today.
The Indian And The Eagle
There was an old Indian,
Beneath an old oak tree,
With nary a whisper,
He turned to look at me,
His eyes glittered,
Like the moon on the sea,
But it had to be a trick,
From the shade of the tree,
For they told of his life,
Without speaking a word,
And the lines in his face,
Told of stories never heard,
I saw a ghost of a smile,
Which had shattered my world,
For it looked as fragile,
As the wings of a bird,
My heart reached out,
To embrace his soul,
When I saw the broken dreams,
That had framed his goal,
I never thought my life,
Was ever truly whole,
Until I saw his eyes,
Had mirrored his soul,
My eyes began to water,
But he gently silenced me,
When he pointed a finger,
Out beyond the tree,
So I hushed up,
And strained to clearly see,
What it was exactly,
He pointed out for me,
And out in the bushes,
Just as clear as day,
Was a beautiful eagle,
Just enjoying the rays,
My breath caught fast,
As it swiftly flew away,
Never will I forget,
All I saw this day,
When I looked up,
He was smiling at me,
That lone old Indian,
Beneath the old oak tree,
I may not know,
What his story may be,
But I know like the eagle,
He is majestic and free.
© Lynn (last name withheld for privacy purposes)
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Eccentrically Yours is Eccentrically Me
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84 Views
07/17/10
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Hallo Everyone!
This is my first attempt at writing a blog. I am quite new, obviously, so I have no idea what in the world I am supposed to be doing here.
Probably write some pretty words and hope they make some form of sense. Most likely they will not, as I tend to be all over the place. Which is a bit like myself physically as well.
I tend to be very energetic and hyper oftentimes. I know how to be calm, yes, but do I want to be? No.
I actually like being a ball of energy and a ray of sunshine. It is rather fun being able to blind people, keeps them from looking at me too closely, you know?
Not that I have massive horrendous flaws like 3 heads and a witch nose with a hairy mole. No, it is just I do not like people to get too close to me. Too many people tend to take advantage of others, look down on them for even attempting to march to the beat of a different drum, or just plain think they are better than anyone who has a 'disability'.
Yes, I said "have a disability". You see, I was born with a hearing problem..in other words- my ears are broken! Yay me! Luckily my brain is not broken as well-not unless you consider it being restless and constantly on 10 million tracks at one time to be broken. Hah!
Oh! I also tend to ramble on and on and on...You probably picked up on that right away! If you did, then I must congratulate you! You are rather perceptive!
My family constantly tell me I talk too much, or I talk too fast when excited, and how they cannot fathom how I manage to wake up bright eyed and talking about a million things right as soon as my eyes open. I find it amusing really. Then again , I think I find nearly everything amusing.
Hmmmm okay, well I think I have spoken a bit too long here. I will try my utmost best to keep this up often. Although, postings may be few and far between since I am constantly busy. Yay life!
Eccentrically Yours,
Lynn
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