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3345roc
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Posted on Sun, Mar 02, 2014 07:22

Four guys have been going to the same Golfing trip to St Andrews for many years..

 

Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

 

Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

 

Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up! "Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"

 

"Well, I've been here since last night.. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie.

 

She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well she's been reading 50 Shades of Grey......On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.

 

And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, Here I am!





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leonicvirgo
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Posted on Mon, Mar 24, 2014 23:55

O'Keefe regularly plays golf on Sunday mornings with three Orthodox Jews. Every Sunday, they break par while he shoots 90. At the end of the season, he asks for their secret. It's their religion, they tell him. They go to synagogue, study, pray, celebrate the festivals and Sabbath, then play golf on Sundays and have great rounds. 

Desperate to play well, over the winter O'Keefe converts, joins a synagogue, prays, celebrates the festivals and Sabbath, and looks forward to spring. 

Come spring, he meets his friends and they tee it up. Again, they break par and he shoots 90. Frustrated, he explains that he converted, prayed, worshipped, and studied, but his golf didn't get any better. 

One Orthodox Jew asks, "Which synagogue did you join?" 

"Beth Shalom," O'Keefe replies. 

"Fool," comes the reply. "That's the synagogue for tennis." 



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leonicvirgo
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total posts: 544
Posted on Mon, Mar 24, 2014 23:54

A man who has been stranded on a desert island all alone for 10 years sees a speck on the horizon. "It's too small to be a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer, he rules out the possibility of it being a small boat, then a raft. 

Suddenly, a gorgeous blonde woman emerges from the surf wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned man and asks, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" 

"Ten years!" he says. 

She unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, is that ever good!" 

Then she asks him, "How long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" 

Trembling, he replies, "Ten years!" 

She unzips a waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask, and gives it to him. He opens it, takes a long swig, and says, "That's fantastic!" 

Then she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper down the front of her suit, looks at him seductively, and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?" 

The man, with tears in his eyes, replies, "Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there!" 



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Jenkneee
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Posted on Sun, Mar 23, 2014 20:39

Quoting leonicvirgo:

Both Robin Williams & George Carlin talk about Golf in the url, Linglit. I seldom get off topic, and if you cut& paste that one,You'll see! Interesting thoughts on Golf, I think.Robin & George can rocket you to another dimension, for sure to that.



Leonic says he's "seldom off topic". I think that must be up to one's own perception when reading his posts when he thinks he  is on topic, I know it's a challenge for me most of the time.

 

 

 



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leonicvirgo
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Posted on Sun, Mar 23, 2014 15:49

Both Robin Williams & George Carlin talk about Golf in the url, Linglit. I seldom get off topic, and if you cut& paste that one,You'll see! Interesting thoughts on Golf, I think.Robin & George can rocket you to another dimension, for sure to that.



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leonicvirgo
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Posted on Fri, Mar 21, 2014 18:15

Quoting Linglit:

WAIT, I thought this was about golfing in Scottland....  LOL!!!



C&P this:http://youtu.be/rjKw8KZxUN0



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3345roc
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total posts: 810
Posted on Fri, Mar 21, 2014 18:00

Quoting Linglit:

WAIT, I thought this was about golfing in Scottland....  LOL!!!



It started out that way Linglit, but when Leon signs on you never know what parallel universe you'll end up in.  Fasten your seatbelts.



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MizzSunShineHere
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Posted on Fri, Mar 21, 2014 09:18

WAIT, I thought this was about golfing in Scottland....  LOL!!!



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leonicvirgo
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Posted on Thu, Mar 06, 2014 11:58

Quoting 123kim:

I am not as well, tried to authanticate Bible and history of the Middle East.... end result - took good books, read. and decided for myself.....

 

this is from 5 min management course, no interest for this site.... but agree with the moral of the story refer to lessons 2, 5 and 6(2)

______________

 

>        Lesson 1:
>
>        A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing
> up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
>
>        The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
>
>        When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door
> neighbour.
>
>        Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop
> that towel.'
>
>        After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
> stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800
> and leaves.
>
>        The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
>
>        When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
>
>        'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
>
>        'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800
> he owes me?'
>
>        Moral of the story:        If you share critical information
> pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be
> in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>        Lesson 2:
>
>        A priest offered a Nun a lift.
>
>        She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
>
>        The priest nearly had an accident.
>
>        After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
>
>        The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
>
>        The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his
> hand slide up her leg again.
>        The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
>
>        The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
>
>        Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her
> way.
>
>        On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up
> Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
>
>        Moral of the story:        If you are not well informed in
> your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
>
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>        Lesson 3:
>
>        A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
> walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
>
>        They rub it and a Genie comes out.
>        The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
>        'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in
> the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
>        Puff! She's gone.
>
>        'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii
> , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
> Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
>
>        Puff! He's gone.
>
>        'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
>        The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
> lunch.'
>
>        Moral of the story:        Always let your boss have the first
> say.
>
> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>        Lesson 4
>
>        An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
>
>        A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit
> like you and do nothing?'
>        The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
>
>        So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
> All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>        Moral of the story:
>        To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
> high up.
>        Lesson 5
>
>        A turkey was chatting with a bull.
>
>        'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed
> the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
>        'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied
> the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
>
>        The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave
> him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
>
>        The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
> second branch.
>
>        Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at
> the top of the tree.
>
>        He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
>
>        Moral of the story:        Bull Sh*t might get you to the top,
> but it won't keep you there..
> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>        Lesson 6
>
>        A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold
> the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
>
>        While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung
> on him.
>
>        As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began
> to realize how warm he was.
>
>        The dung was actually thawing him out!
>
>        He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
>        A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
>
>        Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile
> of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
>
>        Morals of the story:        (1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you
> is your enemy.
>
>        (2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your        friend.
>
>        (3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep
> your mouth shut!



You have to give it to W&C on Golf http://youtu.be/rjKw8KZxUN0.............



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q123456 Recommended
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Posted on Thu, Mar 06, 2014 01:18

On the pharaons and off the subject of this blog, the picture is a sign of prosperity - squoting woman giving birth. 

 

fascinating to see what people were able to build, from all I saw in two continents so far I like Ankor Wat. Certain things are same for all the sites I visited - lay out, design, temathic pictures, etc. And as far as I know there was not internet or post office to exchange the blue prints... well one never knows. 



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q123456 Recommended
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total posts: 9
Posted on Thu, Mar 06, 2014 01:13

Quoting DONTFITMOLD:

Welcome to the blogs Kim....there is truth in humor



thanks, on the pharaons - 


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q123456 Recommended
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Posted on Thu, Mar 06, 2014 01:03

do not remember,....???



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3345roc
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total posts: 810
Posted on Wed, Mar 05, 2014 20:37

Quoting 123kim:

I am not as well, tried to authanticate Bible and history of the Middle East.... end result - took good books, read. and decided for myself.....

 

this is from 5 min management course, no interest for this site.... but agree with the moral of the story refer to lessons 2, 5 and 6(2)

______________

 

>        Lesson 1:
>
>        A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing
> up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
>
>        The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
>
>        When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door
> neighbour.
>
>        Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop
> that towel.'
>
>        After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
> stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800
> and leaves.
>
>        The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
>
>        When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
>
>        'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
>
>        'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800
> he owes me?'
>
>        Moral of the story:        If you share critical information
> pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be
> in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>        Lesson 2:
>
>        A priest offered a Nun a lift.
>
>        She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
>
>        The priest nearly had an accident.
>
>        After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
>
>        The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
>
>        The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his
> hand slide up her leg again.
>        The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
>
>        The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
>
>        Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her
> way.
>
>        On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up
> Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
>
>        Moral of the story:        If you are not well informed in
> your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
>
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>        Lesson 3:
>
>        A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
> walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
>
>        They rub it and a Genie comes out.
>        The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
>        'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in
> the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
>        Puff! She's gone.
>
>        'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii
> , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
> Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
>
>        Puff! He's gone.
>
>        'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
>        The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
> lunch.'
>
>        Moral of the story:        Always let your boss have the first
> say.
>
> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>        Lesson 4
>
>        An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
>
>        A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit
> like you and do nothing?'
>        The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
>
>        So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
> All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>        Moral of the story:
>        To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
> high up.
>        Lesson 5
>
>        A turkey was chatting with a bull.
>
>        'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed
> the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
>        'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied
> the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
>
>        The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave
> him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
>
>        The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
> second branch.
>
>        Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at
> the top of the tree.
>
>        He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
>
>        Moral of the story:        Bull Sh*t might get you to the top,
> but it won't keep you there..
> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>        Lesson 6
>
>        A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold
> the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
>
>        While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung
> on him.
>
>        As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began
> to realize how warm he was.
>
>        The dung was actually thawing him out!
>
>        He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
>        A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
>
>        Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile
> of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
>
>        Morals of the story:        (1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you
> is your enemy.
>
>        (2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your        friend.
>
>        (3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep
> your mouth shut!



They're cute and very true.



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DONTFITMOLD
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Posted on Wed, Mar 05, 2014 19:32

Welcome to the blogs Kim....there is truth in humor


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D ( @ )( @ )

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rmac22
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total posts: 811
Posted on Wed, Mar 05, 2014 18:11

 

123kim,

 

 

 

I seem to remember Lesson 6 as a Russian proverb. 

 



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rmac22
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total posts: 811
Posted on Wed, Mar 05, 2014 17:48

Quoting 3345roc:

Cute.  I'm not a biblical scholar so I can't authenticate this.

 

Dak... care to weigh in?




I am not Dak, but it is easy enough to look up.  No, there is no way to interpret Psalm 129 to get it to mean that. 


Maybe some other Psalm.

 

Clever story though.

 



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q123456 Recommended
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total posts: 9
Posted on Wed, Mar 05, 2014 15:12

I am not as well, tried to authanticate Bible and history of the Middle East.... end result - took good books, read. and decided for myself.....

 

this is from 5 min management course, no interest for this site.... but agree with the moral of the story refer to lessons 2, 5 and 6(2)

______________

 

>        Lesson 1:
>
>        A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing
> up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
>
>        The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
>
>        When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door
> neighbour.
>
>        Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop
> that towel.'
>
>        After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
> stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800
> and leaves.
>
>        The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
>
>        When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
>
>        'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
>
>        'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800
> he owes me?'
>
>        Moral of the story:        If you share critical information
> pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be
> in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>        Lesson 2:
>
>        A priest offered a Nun a lift.
>
>        She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
>
>        The priest nearly had an accident.
>
>        After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
>
>        The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
>
>        The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his
> hand slide up her leg again.
>        The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
>
>        The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
>
>        Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her
> way.
>
>        On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up
> Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
>
>        Moral of the story:        If you are not well informed in
> your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
>
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>        Lesson 3:
>
>        A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
> walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
>
>        They rub it and a Genie comes out.
>        The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
>        'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in
> the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
>        Puff! She's gone.
>
>        'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii
> , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
> Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
>
>        Puff! He's gone.
>
>        'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
>        The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
> lunch.'
>
>        Moral of the story:        Always let your boss have the first
> say.
>
> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>        Lesson 4
>
>        An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
>
>        A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit
> like you and do nothing?'
>        The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
>
>        So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
> All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>        Moral of the story:
>        To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
> high up.
>        Lesson 5
>
>        A turkey was chatting with a bull.
>
>        'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed
> the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
>        'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied
> the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
>
>        The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave
> him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
>
>        The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
> second branch.
>
>        Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at
> the top of the tree.
>
>        He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
>
>        Moral of the story:        Bull Sh*t might get you to the top,
> but it won't keep you there..
> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>        Lesson 6
>
>        A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold
> the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
>
>        While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung
> on him.
>
>        As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began
> to realize how warm he was.
>
>        The dung was actually thawing him out!
>
>        He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
>        A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
>
>        Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile
> of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
>
>        Morals of the story:        (1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you
> is your enemy.
>
>        (2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your        friend.
>
>        (3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep
> your mouth shut!



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3345roc
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Posted on Wed, Mar 05, 2014 08:58

Quoting 123kim:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up
Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:        If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.



Cute.  I'm not a biblical scholar so I can't authenticate this.

 

Dak... care to weigh in?



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q123456 Recommended
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Posted on Tue, Mar 04, 2014 22:43

A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up
Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:        If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.



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DONTFITMOLD
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Posted on Tue, Mar 04, 2014 19:04

there are times to be gentle but forceful


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D ( @ )( @ )

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